stick on mustache

baby dreams

2011-02-03T07:50:00.001-08:00

thanks to the fact that everyone i know is pregnant i had another baby dream last night. this time i had a brand new freshly born baby girl with lots of dark hair. she was tiny and perfect and quiet. and i spent time teaching david how to make a bottle (he thought the baby needed a huge bottle, but i showed him how to make 2 ounces instead). then i woke up. and all i wanted to do was go back to sleep. i'm so happy with my life right now. but i still feel like something is missing.

Hi

2010-12-28T07:37:00.001-08:00

It's been a while. I have 3 other blogs besides this one...stupid, I know. But this was my first so I just can't get rid of it. No one really reads it, so it's kinda like my own journal. Anyway, I've been in a re-decorating mode lately and I bought some new things for the house last night- mostly inspired by a new friend I met thru blogging. Her style is AMAZING and I love her house. I went to IKEA with some inspiration and got a few things last night that hopefully David will install today. In the mean time, I've also been saving photos from around the web- so here are some of them. Of course, I didn't save any of the links...

Baby thoughts

2010-07-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

Like most people, I have times when I want a baby right then and times when I don't want one for a while. I don't know if I've ever documented this before, but when we first got married all I wanted was a baby. I didn't care about cost, me not working, or anything. All I could see was that baby in my arms. That was almost 4 years ago- and since then my baby hunger has slowly decreased. Year after year that desire fades a little more. Sad, huh? We keep saying, "next year". The funny thing is that if we had stayed in California we'd probably have a house, a kid and maybe even another one on the way...strange to think about.

I have loved babies since I could hold them and I'm pretty sure I was obsessed with my little sister when she was born (who wouldn't be with two little brothers already?) and that was at age 7. I started babysitting when I was 11 (my first job involved me sitting in a chair for a half hour holding my mom's friend's baby while she ran an errand) and pretty much haven't stopped. I look for any opportunity.

On Saturday nights in high school, you wouldn't find me at church dances (I think I only ever went to one). Nope. I'd be at my neighbors house watching her two little kids, playing dinosaurs, brushing their teeth and tucking them in. Then I'd watch their collection of British Romantic Dramas. hahahaha.

I think I was built for it. Babies, I mean. I have wide hips, I can hold a baby forever and not get sick of it. I have more patience for kids than I do for adults or even my dog. I used to want 6 kids. The year we got married it went to 4. Now I think it's at 3. David often says "one". Is this depressing? Sometimes.

Maybe things will change significantly when we actually hold our child in our arms. Maybe I will be that patient loving mother who just wants more and more. Or maybe we will just have 2. Who knows. It's weird to not know.

So- when, you ask?

Maybe next year.

terms of endearment

2010-04-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

i just had this random thought of some things i like...i was running my fingers through my hair ( i just dyed it yesterday so the conditioner that comes with the dye makes it really soft) and thinking how much i like people to play with my hair. and i was thinking about how some guys like to play with girls hair, but how david doesnt. he's not a very cuddly-touchy person.

once when we were dating and he lived in fullerton, i had triple barrel waved my hair and we were watching tv on the couch. I was lying toward him, probably falling asleep, and he had started to stroke my head. that was the only time he's ever done that, at least without me begging him to. every once in a while i think of that day and it makes me smile.

the second or third time we hung out, and this was before we started dating, we were at tgifridays and playing the question game. basically someone asks a question and everyone answers. it was my turn so he turned to me and said, what about you, sweetheart?
and that is the only time he's ever called me sweetheart, which is my favorite term of endearment.

home for the holidays

2009-12-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

i have been so bad at blogging lately. i guess i haven't felt any need to.

we are so excited to be able to spend the next week in california with family. it's my family's year for christmas so we are looking forward to that. my sister is still young and gets excited about presents which makes it fun. we're having a big party on sunday at our house with my mom's side of the family. i never thought that would happen because of all of the family drama. hopefully everyone can just forgive and move on. if not, at least we have our immediate family.

i plan on doing all of my christmas shopping early next week. i wish i hadn't put it off but christmas really feels like it snuck up on us this year. we also plan on trying to outdo ourselves with a bigger and better gingerbread house. we have a lot of plans, but are looking forward most to not working/no school/and seeing family.

yikes

2009-11-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

we're going out of town next wednesday and we were out of town last week, so you can imagine what my house looks like. this weekend i plan on relaxing and cleaning. and getting out christmas stuff so i can be ready to decorate when we get back next sunday!!

thoughts

2009-11-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

my house is a disaster. i plan on doing something about that tonight. i also bought a little wooden acorn at lunch that i'm pretty excited about. i really love fall and all it's crispness.

i also bought some bubble bath which i have been in the need of for a long time. i will enjoy vanilla bubbles tonight.

my love

2009-11-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

i've had these lyrics stuck in my head for a week.

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you
The very thought of you, my love

i like the second line the best.
is it possible to fall MORE in love with your husband than you were in before? yes, it is, it turns out.

house hunters

2009-11-05T08:32:00.000-08:00

last night we were watching house hunters and the couple had about a million dollars to spend. they were looking at places that were really big, but awkwardly set up and kind of cold looking. i said out loud, "if i had a million to spend i'd go for something a smaller and nicer"

david said, "if we have a million dollars we're building a house"

i was like...oh yeah. that's a way better idea. and it's probably in our future.

lessons learned

2009-11-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

we're having some hard times, struggling with money and fun stuff like that. the good thing is that what once cause arguments has helped to bring us closer together. at the beginning of our marriage we really had a hard time figuring each other out. we didn't know how to act and react to each other's emotions, outbursts, spending habits...so we would blow up. we've learned a lot in these 3 years of marriage.

i've calmed, relaxed, de-stressed or at least begun to learn how to
he's learned responsibility, that certain things matter that maybe didn't before

basically he's started caring more and i've started caring less. we're getting through to one another.

the future

2009-11-02T13:19:00.001-08:00

i just got really excited for when david works again and we have enough money to live in a house with room to move. i miss my large kitchen.

the good and the bad

2009-10-26T10:41:00.001-07:00

good:
been eating healthier. better, but not good enough yet
david has a job
we are going to california in three weeks
thanksgiving is 4 weeks away

bad:
we are still poor
the car is making a jetsons-esque sound
my house is a mess

i need to just get into shape so i feel better about myself. it's getting old feeling down.

tv is the devil. it forces me to do nothing with my life.

we've been editing photos from amy's wedding and i'm so excited about a lot of them.

sanity

2009-10-12T12:22:00.001-07:00

This weekend we deep cleaned our entire house. Even the carpet! It feels so good to know I get get come home to an organized place. We cleaned out our spare room (finally) and now I think i'm going to enjoy working in there.

decor

2009-10-07T12:40:00.001-07:00

i'm going to find a map of france just like this and cut it up and frame it to put it above the couch. i absolutely love it. i also like the big flowers- they look like they're canvas just stapled on there. plus the maps for wallpaper = a super cool idea. it's kind of like the little boy's room idea i have, but i plan on using maps of mordor and hobbiton. you know, lord of the rings? i am a nerd.

i really want to write a book. even if it's just a short one. sometimes i want to turn this blog into a 'book' just because i like the way i used to write. it was saucy and interesting.

hub-sand

2009-09-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

an oldie... but so cute

us n stuff

2009-09-17T10:28:00.001-07:00

david keith and i went to the utah state fair last night- it was definitely disappointing. i had such high hopes for good fried food and entertainment, but my corndog cost $6 and had bugs on it. and there were no fried twinkie/oreos to be found. so after $6 for parking and $16 for just getting in, we felt we had made a mistake. we decided to get cheescake for dessert and left but ended up running out of gas even though our car said we could still go 50 miles before filling up. brilliant.

there are good things however.
clementine is cute and fun and we love her and she loves us.
david is in school and will be done next year.
we bought a rug for our living room. it makes me feel good.
we are going on a road trip this weekend. we live for 'travel'
i took some fun photos yesterday and am proud of myself for the most part.

a necessity

2009-09-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

i think i need this

hairs

2009-09-01T11:54:00.000-07:00

attempting to get back to this. i miss my long hair.

battle of the sexes

2009-08-25T14:20:00.001-07:00

boy friends are way better and more dependable than girl friends.

fall wedding idea board

2009-08-19T08:07:00.001-07:00

weekend goals

2009-08-14T13:22:00.001-07:00

why do they always tend to be the same thing? probably because the weekend actually comes and all i want to do is relax. well i'm setting some goals and i will try to get them done!

move dining table.

switch living room around.

vacuum entire house

(which means i have to put my clothes that are on the floor away)

organize clothes closet.

this is probably good for now. maybe i'll get in a cleaning mood and not be able to stop!

someone i admire

2009-08-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

i watched chefography last night about ina garten who is my favorite person on foodnetwork. i knew a lot about her from good 'ol wikipedia, but i absolutely loved seeing photos of her growing up. her wedding pictures were probably the best part of the whole show- in every photo since then, you can tell that her and her husband really like + love each other. their relationship is pretty amazing and any couple who stays married for 40 years should recognize what an accomplishment it is. on her show she said something like,

people always ask me what the secret is to having a happy marriage...i don't know. i would hate to have to be in a marriage where you have to work at it all the time. we just want each other to be happy

i made a mental note of that quote...and wished that it was that easy for me! but it's definitely inspirational.

babies

2009-08-10T09:02:00.001-07:00

spending time with my neices always brings about mixed feelings. on the one hand, i love them and think they're hilarious, which makes me want my own children. on the other hand i see how they throw tantrums and it takes forever to get anywhere...so i wonder when i will feel ready to give myself up and focus on my own kids.

double decker bus

2009-07-27T10:20:00.001-07:00

this wallpaper is so dang cute...perfect for a little boy's room

my ideal house

2009-07-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

can you guess what my favorite colors are? i really like white, it's so clean, inviting and refreshing.

randomness

2009-07-10T10:22:00.001-07:00

what i look at to motivate me to eat better...plus i like the outfits

my mj

2009-07-09T12:54:00.001-07:00

lovely, lovely quiet lake
how could this be a mistake?
too dark now to see your face
your hair is blowing all over the place
the moon is caught in a frozen glass
it could not let this moment pass
...
every dream too good to come true
floods my heart when i'm with you

i like mason better than michael

mod

2009-07-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

really liking this blog

california

2009-07-01T13:35:00.000-07:00

california, here we come
right back where we started from
(this is the old song, not the phantom planet one)

i love lucy, by the way
i really really do

ikea's ideas

2009-06-29T09:11:00.000-07:00

david's been wanting to build this shelf thing to go behind our couch, because our tan carpet, furniture and white walls are BORING. we'd probably do a smaller version, though.

getting ready

2009-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

i've come to the conclusion that i need to take better care of myself. eek, i don't like saying that because it ends up sounding pretty selfish. the thing is, i spend minimal time on myself while getting ready or doing all of those daily things. when i do spend a little more time (as in about 20 extra minutes) getting ready i've noticed that i feel so much more confident throughout my day, compared to when i roll out of bed and throw my hair in a teeny tiny little pony tail. its amazing what a little eyeshadow can do for a girl

ina garten

2009-06-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

i've been watching the next food network star, secretly wishing i was a contestant. on the most recent episode the contestants got to plan and and feed a dinner party, hosted by ina garten. when i saw her welcoming them as her guests in her barn, i got goosebumps all over...my dream is to meet her :)

i want to learn to cook as well as ina, and reach my inner french-ness
her food and entertaining style is fabulous

julia child

2009-06-22T11:50:00.001-07:00

am i excited about this? what do you think?

Julie & Julia

sleeping in the sunbeams

2009-06-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

happy weekend!

i think we will get some bbq tonight
visit the carnival in springville
tomorrow we will head to parowan to visit my family
clementine will probably be hangin' with kristine
i am going to sleep in :)

i like this photo of myself. someone once named it 'sleeping in the sunbeams' because it looked like an album cover from the 60's

madeleines

2009-06-10T13:46:00.001-07:00

not only is madeleine my favorite name, it is also a delicious little dessert. now if only i had the pan to make them...

23

2009-06-09T12:04:00.001-07:00

my birthday is in less than two weeks. and what do i want? it's a simple year :)

dinner with my love at sawadee
a surprise from him, nothing extravagant
a manicure/pedicure/eyebrow wax or a facial or somethin along those lines :)

another dress i love

2009-06-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

if only this dress was available in the mall, for a decent price...it would be mine

airing out

2009-06-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

last night i dumped all of my dresser and nightstand drawers out. i made piles of old clothes that i've had since high school and got rid of a lot of things. it felt really good. i used to clean out my room when i was bored, but i never really do a deep cleaning like that anymore. i guess i'm too busy. i think since it's already the weekend again i will have to actually accomplish things this time. last weekend i watched tv and sat in the hot tub. not so productive :)

oh, man

2009-06-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

i will gladly accept any of these bathing suits. they are GORGEOUS and so not the norm. unfortunately, the price reflects all of that.

all things pretty

2009-06-02T09:53:00.001-07:00

i like all of these things- the colors, the simplicity, the neatness. a lot of them are babies rooms, but i can plan ahead, can't i? ;) i especially love unisex nurseries.

2009-05-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

this weekend i will make some more attempts. the number one being:
organize our documents!
we have an office full of paid bills and papers that need to be filed or shredded and they are driving me crazy.
i also want to really go through my old clothes and get rid of what i dont wear. half of my wardrobe is at least 4 years old and falling apart, or too small. depressing thought.
i'm also becoming a little obsessed with organizing things by color...my books on my bookshelf, my hanging clothes...

dress

2009-05-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

i wish i was wearing this today, instead of jeans. it's hot!

mem'ries

2009-05-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

"no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner...it's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on. "

that was an entry from almost exactly three years ago. i like it.

pea soup

2009-05-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

i really wish i could sew right now so i could make this dress. it's perfect.

hair

2009-05-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

i wish my hair was long really really really really bad.

coolness

2009-05-15T12:48:00.001-07:00

i think the coolest thing in the world is when parents don't find out what they're having when they're pregnant. even cooler, when they don't have a name picked out without seeing the baby's face.

i wish

2009-05-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

david,

i'm sorry i don't have this body:

for you and for me.

little thought

2009-05-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

its always good when family/friends make an effort on their side to plan things or get together. it shows they think about you.

bird

2009-05-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

i've wanted an antique cage and some little finches for a while. i like chirping and they'd look so pretty!

he's in love and he says love is fine

2009-04-30T13:22:00.001-07:00

been listening to best of paul mccartney...love that he included his wife in his band, wings, and that they got to go on tour together. this love lasted a long time.

i also like this album cover because of the little hiding baby :)

love isn't silly at all

ron howard

2009-04-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

on saturday morning we watched an a & e special on ron howard. i loved everything about his life, the way his parents raised him and his brother (put all of their tv earnings into the bank) and how he raised his own family by limiting how many films he worked on and bringing them with him to ireland to film far and away.
on a part of the show involving an interview with his oldest daughter, she expressed her admiration for her parent's relationship claiming that they were 'soul mates'.

In the June 2006 issue of Vanity Fair magazine, Ron Howard was asked, "What do you consider your greatest achievement?" He replied, "Forty-eight consecutive years of steady employment in television and film, while preserving a rich family life."

i love an honest man of integrity

i get on wikipedia kicks where i'll research an individual...i love it

crepe cake

2009-04-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

just saw this crepe cake at martha stewart's website
does it not look amazing? layers of individual crepes? YUM

lunch

2009-04-21T11:39:00.001-07:00

it was good.

spring, spring, spring

2009-04-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

monson

2009-04-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

something else happened, recently.
i gained my testimony of the prophet while watching conference on sunday morning. the choir sang 'we thank thee o god for a prophet' and it showed photos of him with kids and people from around the world. i know and knew he was the prophet, but i think its always different when you're used to someone, like president hinckley, and then someone replaces him. but when they sang and i saw the photos of him the thought came to me 'he IS the prophet'.

he is god's prophet.

something like this

2009-04-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

9 days til we move. i'm getting excited. there are a few things i'm interested in doing and i'm daily looking for more inspiration and ideas for decorating the new place. it's a bit older and not as big, but we'll have more to work with i think which can force the imagination to work harder.

lonely days

2009-04-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

i didn't see my husband yesterday. is that weird? yes, it is. i don't remember the last time i went a day without seeing him. i guess i'm spoiled.

tonight will involve me and clementine watching pride and prejudice, alone, and tomorrow morning will involve sleeping in, cleaning the house, and shopping for a tart pan and the ingredients for a strawberry cream tart.

i have to do SOMETHING to occupy myself while he's gone.

ideas

2009-04-08T07:05:00.000-07:00

i know i'm already married and already had a wedding, but i found this on a blog and think it is such a cute idea. i wish i had seen it before i had my reception!
maybe i'll recreate it this summer when i have a dinner party.

love him

2009-04-02T08:58:00.001-07:00

my little testimony

2009-04-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

last night we went to the gym around 9. i was walking on the treadmill, working up a sweat, and what movie was playing? the best two years. sometimes, i love provo.

anwyway, i'm not a huge fan of those lds movies, especially while living here because they're making fun of people that i see every single sunday. (so the movies are actually exactly like my life...)

but last night, the part where the elders are teaching the investigator the first lesson, and the 'wayward' elder remembers why he's out there on his mission, made get a little choked up. it made me love what i know to be true, all over again. and the room was silent, except for the sound of feet hitting the treadmill, because everyone in the room knew it too, im' sure.

2009-03-26T02:28:00.000-07:00

i am really, really stressed right now. that is why it is 3:30am and i am awake, blogging.

i woke up every half hour since i went to bed. no i just can't sleep at all.

i feel like i can't take advice from anyone and i can't get a straight answer from anyone, especially those that really matter. i want to go back, back a few years.

the only thing that can comfort me right now

2009-03-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin;

29 And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like one of these.

30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, even so will he clothe you, if ye are not of little faith.

31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

new news

2009-03-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

i'm sick of this! i need to stop eating crap and start taking care of myself. i'm going to start today, right now.

it can't be that hard. i just need to eat good foods and be active. simple as that. i'm going to do it!

i want to fit in my clothes and feel attractive.

oh, and ps. i cut all my hair off. i feel like amelie or something.

in honor of ireland

2009-03-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

should i watch far and away or tristan and isolde? both good movies that have at least a little something to do with ireland :) i wouldn't mind visiting there either...maybe next euro trip.

only in dreams

2009-03-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

natalie: last night i had a dream that i was pregnant with twins

david: last night i had a dream that i was batman

wear something slutty

2009-03-03T12:53:00.000-08:00

Natalie Fenni already got gas so we can leave as soon as i get home. --
1:46 PM (5 minutes ago)

David FennI didn't know you still knew how to get gas
1:48 PM (3 minutes ago)

Natalie Fenn oh you
1:49 PM (2 minutes ago)

Zoom zoom zoom
David Fenn to me
show details 1:50 PM (1 minute ago) Reply

sick days

2009-02-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

what i've been doing for the last 3 hours

bird

2009-02-21T18:55:00.001-08:00

oh my man i love him so

2009-02-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? discovery channel
2. Does he play an instrument? guitar a bit
3. What's one food he doesn't like? there's a lot- but recently we discovered he does not enjoy couscous
4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order? a coke and something greasy
5. Where did he go to high school? Rim O' the World
6. What size shoe does he wear? 10 or 10 1/2
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? he has a lot of apple products
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? he loves gandolfos or jimmy johns- and usually something with bacon
9. What would this person eat every day if he could? he would drink coke every day
10. What is his favorite cereal? he loves marshmallow mateys
11. What would he never wear? anything from american apparel. i dont know why but he hates that store.
12. What is his favorite sports team? he likes CA teams
13. Who did he vote for? i dont think he voted
14. Who is his best friend? me :) and blake, nathan, keith, brian....
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? worry
16. What is his heritage? english and scottish
17. What is something he would do if he wasn't working his current job? building houses

waste of money

2009-02-18T14:19:00.000-08:00

why, oh why do i do this to myself? over the past three years i've probably spent $800 on jeans that have all failed me. my newest pair are a mere 6 months old but are about to rip on the inner thigh not even on seam. i really don't understand. and i dont know if i could take them back to nordstrom now- i dont have a receipt anymore.

i want you to bear my children and i dont care if they are boys or girls

2009-02-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

something about the scene when he comes to take her away- the line he says about her bearing his children- i think it's one of the sexiest things a man could say.

i'm weird.

i want this

2009-02-09T09:11:00.001-08:00

i want something like this so i can fix it up, paint it pretty and put it in my dining room

dream a little dream

2009-02-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

right now i feel achey and stressed

i would love a bath, my bed, a book and a dinner, made by my husband

i can dream, can't i?

grapefruit

2009-01-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

it was delicious

ps my favorite effect on picnik.com is 1960's

improvements

2009-01-26T13:19:00.000-08:00

here's the deal. i need to be more organized and i need some immediate goals.

1 read scriptures every day, no matter what
2 organize entire house. (this probably seems like a lot but it's really not very big at all)
3 get rid of anything you dont use

i can do this, right?

i thought of some more
spend more time on myself

v-day

2009-01-19T09:44:00.001-08:00

the good news is i accomplished half of those goals below. the bad news is i didn't accomplish the hard half.
what would my ideal valentines day involve, you ask?

well, i just noticed that it's on a saturday so that's nice.
i'd make us breakfast in bed with pink heart shaped pancakes.
we'd enjoy a drive together with a picnic lunch.
then we'd go to a movie.
then you'd make me dinner for the first time in years.

i also wouldnt mind that aquamarine necklace, or something from dogeared.com. but those aren't dealbreakers.

week's end

2009-01-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

my goals for this weekend include:

sleep in until 9ish
pay all bills
clean out cupboards
take pictures of something
make every meal at home

WY

2009-01-14T15:02:00.000-08:00

i want to be in wyoming, renting a house in the spring time. well i want it to be spring time right now.

dr. laura does it again

2009-01-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

i really liked this article and i agree...you see it all over tv!

Girls as Pigs from Dr. Laura's Blog by drlaura
I’m very sad that, generally, girls today are pigs. I was speaking with a group of young men in their early twenties, about their social lives. They each admitted to multiple girlfriends with “overlap.” Most of them expressed some disappointment that they really can’t find what they know Dr. Laura would label a “nice girl.”

“You think they are good girls, but the minute you show them some attention, if they’re at all interested, they are all over you with zillions of daily suggestive text messages and sex. They’re open for, ahem, servicing us, even before we’ve taken ‘em out on legitimate dates - which can usually be just a visit to a bar or club.

“I think,” one fellow continued, “that just about all girls these days are pigs.”

This made me very, very sad. Because the more that young women act like “pigs,” the less respect and regard men have for women in general - and the less they hope and fantasize the blessed possibility of a lovely wife and mother to their 84 children.

I opened the paper today to read about a young woman from San Diego who is selling her virginity on a website so that she can pay for her - get ready for this - education as a marriage and family therapist! Her sister apparently led the way by being a call-girl/hooker to pay for her education. Well, there is nothing new in women selling their bodies for financial compensation; what is new is the bold and cavalier way it is happening today. The young women I mentioned said outright that sex and virginity means nothing today. And this is the sort to help families and marriages? Are you kidding?

When everything of value is demoted to “nothing”…then how is anything ever elevated to “something.” See? That’s why I’m sad. I’m sad for all these young men who have been taught by the piggish women of today that love, fidelity, and intimacy mean nothing. I am sad that our young men have been robbed of hope that they can ever be secure in a marriage, because how can they trust a cavalier “pig” to ever be anything else?

curious case

2009-01-09T13:32:00.001-08:00

my favorite part of the curious case of benjamin button was the whole period when they lived together. it was exactly, EXACTLY how i pictured the perfect moments of being in love and married to be like before i was actually married. and honestly, its exactly how the perfect moments of being in love and married are.

love him

2009-01-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

i do.

i had a dream last night

2009-01-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

i think this post is similar to the one where i found pictures of david's ex girlfriend. i had this dream last night that david had been married before and happy. it sounds ridiculous and everyone is laughing when i tell them but when i dreamt that and woke up, i gasped. my concern was if i was making him AS happy. this is my real worry

ca or ut?

2009-01-02T14:09:00.000-08:00

i am torn. do i want to move to california?
pros:
close to family
david can go to a better school
we'd make more money
we love california

cons:
we'd live in a tiny apartment
i'd have to quit my job
traffic
living close to family

stay in utah:
pros
we could probably buy a house
and get a dog
we wouldnt have to quit our jobs
less traffic
we're on our own..not close to immediate family

cons:
it's not california
not going to an ideal school
if we change our minds it would be harder to move, especially if we buy a house

decision

2008-12-29T12:49:00.001-08:00

i just decided that photography is not something i want to pursue as a career. i just want to...i dont know

home

2008-12-29T08:19:00.000-08:00

i am SO happy to be home. i missed my bed and a quiet house and my own shower.

handmade

2008-12-16T12:36:00.001-08:00

i really would like to have my own little etsy shop but i dont know what i could possibly make/sell on there. i can kind of crochet. i can kind of sew. what could i sell?

the old me

2008-12-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

my hair is finally starting to get long. i'm excited for days when i'll have it flowing again...
i'm still not what i want to be. still discovering myself. looking at old pictures of me helps

crush

2008-12-06T15:49:00.001-08:00

i have a crush on vince vaughn...he's a normal guy. am i weird?

light

2008-12-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

i think i need to live in california so that i'll always have enough natural light in my home to take pictures of things

goals

2008-12-02T15:27:00.000-08:00

goals for the next two months:
make an amazing gingerbread house, entirely from scratch
go to hawaii or some place awesome

first there is a mountain

2008-12-01T15:19:00.001-08:00

having my family here was great but also stressful. i'm so used to it being just the two of us now.
remember when i used to write about how great it would be when we were married? now all i want to write about is how great it will be when we have a baby. i wonder if someday i'll be writing about how great it will be when our kids are grown up and gone, so we're alone again?

iron chef

2008-11-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

last night i was watching iron chef america, thanksgiving showdown. they had a lot of food items to choose from, and one of them was duck. there were a bunch of dead ducks with feathers still on and their little eyes closed so peaceful in this bowl for the competitors to pick from and cook. for some reason (probably/definitely PMS) every time it showed those ducks i had to close my eyes so i couldn't see their sad little faces and avoid breaking into tears.

thanks, dr. laura

2008-11-13T12:37:00.001-08:00

dr. laura's blog inspires me every time i see a new post from her. this one is about child care. here are my thoughts.
now, i'm sure we all wonder why me, the person who loves babies more than anything in the whole world, doesn't have one. today while reading dr. laura's blog, it reminded me why, again, i am childless.
when i was in kindergarten we'd all line up after class to wait for our parents to come pick us up. we sang this little song about saying goodbye to the teacher and goodbye to the boys and goodbye to the girls. then we said 'goodbye daycare kids'...while they walked off to daycare for the rest of the day. i always felt bad for those kids. i was about to get picked up by my mom who would bring me home so i could play with my brothers.
so, maybe at 5 years old i decided that i wouldn't ever do that to my kids. i'm not saying that daycare is torture. i just think if i'm going to go through the effort to have a child i'm going to wait until i'm sure tha ti'm at the point where i can be there to take care of it.

ants

2008-11-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

if i lived in the big woods, would i not ever have to talk to a customer again? if i lived off of the land and worked it, raising my own animals and smoking my own meat, growing my own vegetables, could i just depend on myself? i guess going to town to buy fabric for my clothes would be unavoidable. remember before when we felt like this so we quit our jobs and moved to the mountain? we're back at square one. i thought we'd come so far.

a wee bit of a crush

2008-11-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

so i have this thing for irish guys. i dont know what it is, i just really really like their accents. today i talked to someone who was irish on the phone and i couldn't get enough! it sounds strange and yes, i know i'm married but hey, i can't help it! besides, david has a thing for goodlooking girls, so i think we're even :)

little house

2008-11-04T15:33:00.000-08:00

i seriously want to go far far away
and i want to milk my own cow and sew my own clothes and worry about making dinner for my husband when he gets back from plowing the field

my skirt is swishing on the hardwood floor, hand laid by us. my homemade bread recipe is perfected, the hand churned butter is nice and cool from being in the cellar. my husband comes in smelling of pine from a day of chopping wood. simplicity.

i should have been laura ingalls wilder for halloween. then my dreams could have been slightly more real!

even if it never gets better

2008-11-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

we're still in limbo. but the thought of ca is nice...very nice. i really want a dog and we're definitely getting one next time we move.
also, i'm taking a photo class tomorrow. i'm really excited, kind of nervous, but i know it will make me more confident in my skills.

boy's shirts

2008-10-29T12:48:00.000-07:00

today i'm wearing a shirt i bought when david and i were dating...its from a thrift store and it's from the little boy's section. it barely fits... when i say barely i mean that it's kind of cutting my chest in half. but i still like it.

me

2008-10-23T11:13:00.001-07:00

every single day i struggle with liking myself. i mean, i like myself. but not as much as i could. and it's most likely because i know i'm not being as nice as i should or as caring as i should. therefore, people probably don't like me as much as they could. i think about it. i want to be different. i think about it a lot.

babes

2008-10-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

i make the mistake of watching a baby story and bringing home baby every day at lunch. why do i do this to myself?