baby dreams

thanks to the fact that everyone i know is pregnant i had another baby dream last night. this time i had a brand new freshly born baby girl with lots of dark hair. she was tiny and perfect and quiet. and i spent time teaching david how to make a bottle (he thought the baby needed a huge bottle, but i showed him how to make 2 ounces instead). then i woke up. and all i wanted to do was go back to sleep. i'm so happy with my life right now. but i still feel like something is missing.

Hi

It's been a while. I have 3 other blogs besides this one...stupid, I know. But this was my first so I just can't get rid of it. No one really reads it, so it's kinda like my own journal. Anyway, I've been in a re-decorating mode lately and I bought some new things for the house last night- mostly inspired by a new friend I met thru blogging. Her style is AMAZING and I love her house. I went to IKEA with some inspiration and got a few things last night that hopefully David will install today. In the mean time, I've also been saving photos from around the web- so here are some of them. Of course, I didn't save any of the links...

Baby thoughts

Like most people, I have times when I want a baby right then and times when I don't want one for a while. I don't know if I've ever documented this before, but when we first got married all I wanted was a baby. I didn't care about cost, me not working, or anything. All I could see was that baby in my arms. That was almost 4 years ago- and since then my baby hunger has slowly decreased. Year after year that desire fades a little more. Sad, huh? We keep saying, "next year". The funny thing is that if we had stayed in California we'd probably have a house, a kid and maybe even another one on the way...strange to think about.

I have loved babies since I could hold them and I'm pretty sure I was obsessed with my little sister when she was born (who wouldn't be with two little brothers already?) and that was at age 7. I started babysitting when I was 11 (my first job involved me sitting in a chair for a half hour holding my mom's friend's baby while she ran an errand) and pretty much haven't stopped. I look for any opportunity.

On Saturday nights in high school, you wouldn't find me at church dances (I think I only ever went to one). Nope. I'd be at my neighbors house watching her two little kids, playing dinosaurs, brushing their teeth and tucking them in. Then I'd watch their collection of British Romantic Dramas. hahahaha.

I think I was built for it. Babies, I mean. I have wide hips, I can hold a baby forever and not get sick of it. I have more patience for kids than I do for adults or even my dog. I used to want 6 kids. The year we got married it went to 4. Now I think it's at 3. David often says "one". Is this depressing? Sometimes.

Maybe things will change significantly when we actually hold our child in our arms. Maybe I will be that patient loving mother who just wants more and more. Or maybe we will just have 2. Who knows. It's weird to not know.

So- when, you ask?

Maybe next year.

terms of endearment

i just had this random thought of some things i like...i was running my fingers through my hair ( i just dyed it yesterday so the conditioner that comes with the dye makes it really soft) and thinking how much i like people to play with my hair. and i was thinking about how some guys like to play with girls hair, but how david doesnt. he's not a very cuddly-touchy person.

once when we were dating and he lived in fullerton, i had triple barrel waved my hair and we were watching tv on the couch. I was lying toward him, probably falling asleep, and he had started to stroke my head. that was the only time he's ever done that, at least without me begging him to. every once in a while i think of that day and it makes me smile.

the second or third time we hung out, and this was before we started dating, we were at tgifridays and playing the question game. basically someone asks a question and everyone answers. it was my turn so he turned to me and said, what about you, sweetheart?
and that is the only time he's ever called me sweetheart, which is my favorite term of endearment.

home for the holidays

i have been so bad at blogging lately. i guess i haven't felt any need to.

we are so excited to be able to spend the next week in california with family. it's my family's year for christmas so we are looking forward to that. my sister is still young and gets excited about presents which makes it fun. we're having a big party on sunday at our house with my mom's side of the family. i never thought that would happen because of all of the family drama. hopefully everyone can just forgive and move on. if not, at least we have our immediate family.

i plan on doing all of my christmas shopping early next week. i wish i hadn't put it off but christmas really feels like it snuck up on us this year. we also plan on trying to outdo ourselves with a bigger and better gingerbread house. we have a lot of plans, but are looking forward most to not working/no school/and seeing family.

yikes

we're going out of town next wednesday and we were out of town last week, so you can imagine what my house looks like. this weekend i plan on relaxing and cleaning. and getting out christmas stuff so i can be ready to decorate when we get back next sunday!!

thoughts

my house is a disaster. i plan on doing something about that tonight. i also bought a little wooden acorn at lunch that i'm pretty excited about. i really love fall and all it's crispness.

i also bought some bubble bath which i have been in the need of for a long time. i will enjoy vanilla bubbles tonight.

my love

i've had these lyrics stuck in my head for a week.

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you
You'll never know how slow the moments go till I'm near to you
I see your face in every flower
Your eyes in stars above
It's just the thought of you
The very thought of you, my love

i like the second line the best.
is it possible to fall MORE in love with your husband than you were in before? yes, it is, it turns out.