i felt like me again last night!
firstly, i drove in scary rain to david's. but he wasn't home yet. so i rang keith three times, but he never answered. i hoped that he had left the door unlocked as i walked down the newly carpeted halways on the third floor, and it was. i walked into a dark, and what seemed to be empty, apartment. keith was asleep on the couch. then i cleaned and vacuumed and keith did the dishes. david came home and we made dinner. then we watched flava flav and danny deckchair. then we had a dance party (during which i decided that we will be taking dance lessons before our wedding), and keith rocked out to baba o' riley and the phantom. i skinned my elbow on the stripper couch. now theres a scrape and a bruise.
we don't need a wok
seriously though, the trailer for marie antoinette gives me chills it's so good. something about mixing old and new just really does it for me.
so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.
kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.
so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.
kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.
won't you please let me go
our parents met yesterday... what a silly, silly thing.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.
arizona/bridal shower
i am jealous for the day when women will say to me as i open a white, ribboned, flowered mass of gifts, "And you can make Tuna salad with that one" or "that pan goes with the bundt recipe i gave you" but most of all, "and it's see-through, too!" i feel like that time is so far away, but its really not.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.
shama lama ding dong
the assistant manager at my work is blasting grease from his office, so loudly in fact, that i cannot hear my own thoughts. i came in to work early to finish all the things that need to be done for the meeting tomorrow to find children running, drooling, eating.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.
178
love, actually?
love, naturally.
bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.
john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.
love, naturally.
bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.
john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.
179 days
i think i'm gonna get married. it's not that i want to be married or have a wedding. i just want what comes after that...you know....
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.
maybe baby
love love love waking up to slobbering, super-chubby children on my bed. spent the morning entertaining baby luke. after not having held a baby in so long it felt surprisingly natural to feed and cart him around the house. i guess i was just born to bear. blah.
bend me, shake me
things are looking up. all i'm looking forward to is when i dont have to drive 25-45 minutes to spend time with david. just a few short months and he'll be living so close.
the newlywed game
it is so stressful being home, it's tense and tough and long. i look forward to school starting so i can be busy and keep my mind of off the confusion. a 35 cent raise on my paycheck doesn't help too much either. the uncertainty of where i will be this year job-wise, love-wise, and house-wise is always on my mind. the simple struggle to get through each day, without getting through to anyone, is enough to make me never want to have children, or only girls, at least. yes, a housefull of girls sounds good to me. i have enough names ready for them anyway. so i'll adopt a grace, an ella, an emma, and maybe even an apple.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.
alone, together
weekend was spent alone shopping together. quite enjoyable. i realized today that i do miss time by myself. i miss coming home from work and struggling over math problems, cleaning/destroying my bedroom, writing and pasting in my journal. tonight i'm going to get that and i'm looking forward to it, but i'm not too sure that i remember how to be alone by myself. realized something else as well, while restarting pride and prejudice i saw how simple jane austen's word choice is compared to the many sequels that have come about in the last decade. its easier to read the original than to read the more latter continuing stories that are over a hundred years apart. i think i talk too much.
the new year
i feel content and peaceful about life and i haven't for a while. it's a nice change. i'm trying to figure out what to do about school, still, though.
i saw pride and prejudice this weekend...it was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.
i saw pride and prejudice this weekend...it was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.
the stars at night are big and bright
deep in the heart of texas!
i love christmas and i loveD christmas. i got mucho de cosas:
*a bike
*gift card for glen ivy
*basket and bell for my bike
*gift card for nordstrom
*beatles book
*domino set from morocco
and a ton of other things too. my parents went crazy.
davey spent chrismas eve with us and spent the night. on sunday we went to church in the new building. then we opened presents and me and david headed up the mountain. it was a ton of fun, because everyone was there. i love fenn. i miss blake and i especially missed him when we went through pictures from hawaii. his little curly head. decisions were made this long weekend that i am quite happy with. yeah, life is good.
i love christmas and i loveD christmas. i got mucho de cosas:
*a bike
*gift card for glen ivy
*basket and bell for my bike
*gift card for nordstrom
*beatles book
*domino set from morocco
and a ton of other things too. my parents went crazy.
davey spent chrismas eve with us and spent the night. on sunday we went to church in the new building. then we opened presents and me and david headed up the mountain. it was a ton of fun, because everyone was there. i love fenn. i miss blake and i especially missed him when we went through pictures from hawaii. his little curly head. decisions were made this long weekend that i am quite happy with. yeah, life is good.
Pot of gold.
My sweet, my dear, my darling, you're so far away from me.
Though an ocean of tears divides us,
Let the bridge of our love span the sea.
And when the veil of dreams has lifted,
And the fairy tales have all been told,
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow;
More precious than a pot of gold.
three days til christmas...our first one together.
Though an ocean of tears divides us,
Let the bridge of our love span the sea.
And when the veil of dreams has lifted,
And the fairy tales have all been told,
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow;
More precious than a pot of gold.
three days til christmas...our first one together.
SP speaks from my soul, bones, heart
Please, let me be casual and gay and right with him now. I am YOUNG, naive, childish, sixteen emotionally. My reactions are too obvious, too excitable easily. I will be lovely, vivacious, witty, the very best me that I always want to be with you.
[I] want a brilliant mind that I can stimulate, but that I can also honestly look up to. And this one has it. Mentally he satisfies; physically he satisfies. It is rather blissful to share witty talk with a man who is also three-dimensionally satisfactory as this one is. power: he offers that. I am strong, in spite of being childish and weak now and then. I need a strong mate: I do not want to accidentally crush him like a steamroller (as I would have others, certainly). And while comradely, I must admire him: respect and admiration must equate with the object of my love. And with him there would be a great, evolving, intellectual dignity to life. I am sure of it. I can walk tall and proud beside him in my body and in my mind. How will it work out? I don't know.
[I] want a brilliant mind that I can stimulate, but that I can also honestly look up to. And this one has it. Mentally he satisfies; physically he satisfies. It is rather blissful to share witty talk with a man who is also three-dimensionally satisfactory as this one is. power: he offers that. I am strong, in spite of being childish and weak now and then. I need a strong mate: I do not want to accidentally crush him like a steamroller (as I would have others, certainly). And while comradely, I must admire him: respect and admiration must equate with the object of my love. And with him there would be a great, evolving, intellectual dignity to life. I am sure of it. I can walk tall and proud beside him in my body and in my mind. How will it work out? I don't know.
the real notebook
so, what's so great about this picture? oh, maybe it's the fact that the greatest romance ever portrayed on screen is probably real...it seems like love is better than ever.
i regret to inform you
i'll be the platform shoes
undo what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes
no, the ring on my RIGHT finger is not an engagement ring.
so, i figured out what's wrong with me...i can't be alone. i am NEVER alone. i always have plans, and things to fulfill time in between the plans. but when plans are changed, my mind jerks and i freak because there's now this space of five hours with nothing to fill it. that's when my emotions go crazy and i say things i don't mean, and nyquil somehow finds it's way into my belly.
i can't go from always having something to do with you to times where there is useless blanks so easily. i've been honed into how i am for the past 9 months...it takes more than 1 to get back to how i was.
undo what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes
no, the ring on my RIGHT finger is not an engagement ring.
so, i figured out what's wrong with me...i can't be alone. i am NEVER alone. i always have plans, and things to fulfill time in between the plans. but when plans are changed, my mind jerks and i freak because there's now this space of five hours with nothing to fill it. that's when my emotions go crazy and i say things i don't mean, and nyquil somehow finds it's way into my belly.
i can't go from always having something to do with you to times where there is useless blanks so easily. i've been honed into how i am for the past 9 months...it takes more than 1 to get back to how i was.
oooh, that's right
let's take a breath jump over the side.
all i really really really want is to have this again.
...race to the dock, watch blake's face as he takes the boat out for the first time that year, hold hands with ashley as we jump in the freezing lake, lay out with nathan, snuggle with davey, float with rach. then we go home and have a barbeque, watch movies and enjoy each other's company.
i have struggled in vain, it will not do!
only three weeks of school left. and i'm glad. i missed class last night because i really didn't feel well. my body was all tired and my head was all fuzzy. i went home, but for some reason didn't feel comfortable there. i'm pretty much never there at night because of school or going out. my parents weren't home, and it was loud, so i just left. my house feels like a house and not a home, and i really really hate it. i guess it's my fault.
this weekend was long but still went quickly. we did a lot. went shopping, ate rosies, had thanksgiving, went to farewells, dealt with engagements and bridal showers and deadly cramps. we listened to blake's tape he made, and it was so weird. it was a total trip to listen to his voice and hear him speak portuguese. i'm so proud of him, but i miss him sooo much. last night i had a dream about him. he was home for the holidays! and for some reason it was just me and him hanging out. we went to see coldplay play, and there was barely anyone there. we went to a pet shop and everywhere we went we were holding hands. i think i liked him! ahh. at one point i was putting on chapstick and all in his face, waiting for him to kiss me. sorry david and ashley! i had no control. but he didnt kiss me. luckily.
tonight i see pride and prejudice! i'm reading two sequels to it right now... i love it.
this weekend was long but still went quickly. we did a lot. went shopping, ate rosies, had thanksgiving, went to farewells, dealt with engagements and bridal showers and deadly cramps. we listened to blake's tape he made, and it was so weird. it was a total trip to listen to his voice and hear him speak portuguese. i'm so proud of him, but i miss him sooo much. last night i had a dream about him. he was home for the holidays! and for some reason it was just me and him hanging out. we went to see coldplay play, and there was barely anyone there. we went to a pet shop and everywhere we went we were holding hands. i think i liked him! ahh. at one point i was putting on chapstick and all in his face, waiting for him to kiss me. sorry david and ashley! i had no control. but he didnt kiss me. luckily.
tonight i see pride and prejudice! i'm reading two sequels to it right now... i love it.
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