oooh, that's right
let's take a breath jump over the side.

all i really really really want is to have this again.
...race to the dock, watch blake's face as he takes the boat out for the first time that year, hold hands with ashley as we jump in the freezing lake, lay out with nathan, snuggle with davey, float with rach. then we go home and have a barbeque, watch movies and enjoy each other's company.

i have struggled in vain, it will not do!

only three weeks of school left. and i'm glad. i missed class last night because i really didn't feel well. my body was all tired and my head was all fuzzy. i went home, but for some reason didn't feel comfortable there. i'm pretty much never there at night because of school or going out. my parents weren't home, and it was loud, so i just left. my house feels like a house and not a home, and i really really hate it. i guess it's my fault.
this weekend was long but still went quickly. we did a lot. went shopping, ate rosies, had thanksgiving, went to farewells, dealt with engagements and bridal showers and deadly cramps. we listened to blake's tape he made, and it was so weird. it was a total trip to listen to his voice and hear him speak portuguese. i'm so proud of him, but i miss him sooo much. last night i had a dream about him. he was home for the holidays! and for some reason it was just me and him hanging out. we went to see coldplay play, and there was barely anyone there. we went to a pet shop and everywhere we went we were holding hands. i think i liked him! ahh. at one point i was putting on chapstick and all in his face, waiting for him to kiss me. sorry david and ashley! i had no control. but he didnt kiss me. luckily.
tonight i see pride and prejudice! i'm reading two sequels to it right now... i love it.

rock n roll fantasy

exactly what i want.

there was heat from the fire, but we still froze

ugh, i think i just posted a blank blog. whatev. so i'm totally not doing as well in school as i thought i was. and i barely even miss class! this is such a joke. i guess i better start studying. i wish i gained knowledge by reading good books instead of listening to a lame instructor and taking tests.

only three days of work and school this week! and thanksgiving, yummmm. it'll be nice to have a long weekend to do fun things. last saturday me and davey went up the mountain and had a pre-thanksgiving with his family. it was delicious and super fun. then we went and visited dresden because she was home for the weekend. brett came over and we watched the skeleton key. it wasnt too scary, but i still got creeped out. it was freeeeezing up there. i love the mountains so much. i could totally live there. p.s. i still miss blake. but i got a letter from him! yay. and ashley got a tape that we still need to listen to.

today i saw a little blond boy coming out of target with his parents and he had on shorts and a t-shirt, and rubber rain boots. he reminded me of my future child.

there was heat from the fire, but we still froze

the aussies

"i came half-way around the world for a bloomin' onion!"

i want to live where soul meets body

pretty good weekend. things are good. spent afternoon playing with lola and eating in n out. now i'm bored at work, as usual. but i am happy.

step into my office, baby.

if there was ever an album that sounded like what i feel like, or what i want my life to feel like, it would be the arcade fire. everytime i listen to it, i feel like i'm transported back to another decade, one where i should be living...with flowery dresses, boots, super long hair, orange-yellow furniture, and babies in cloth diapers.

hiccups

i just randomly got major hiccups right now. i'm so hungry. i'm gonna eat soft tacos and french fries for dinner, then go to school early so i can put in hours in the lab, and then sit for two hours and read from a play. its the misanthrope by moliere. i like it, actually. so today i had to go to the orthodontist to get my retainer fixed so it would keep moving my teeth, and dr. ericson says: "you know, i dont think that this retainer is gonna move them enough. let's put brackets on." so two hours later i left, (i had also visited the dentist office nextdoor, and waited for an hour) with braces! well, kind of. only six brackets on my bottom teeth. and i didnt have cavities either. i thought i had one, thats why i went in the first place. can you get a cavity in a filling? i dont know. i went home, dealt with family drama, and then a bracket popped off my lower 3. so i had to go all the way back and have them put it back on.
i'm back into my reading kicks. i always like to read, but everyone once and a while, i'll go through two months of non-stop reading during all my leisure time. its very wonderful.
charlie and the chocolate factory came out today. and i'm going to bed early because i didnt sleep well and woke up at 6:30. blah.



p.s. i'm still in love.

christmas!

i want it to be christmas so badly. yesterday me and ashmiester listened to christmas music on our drive to and from home. i can't wait to go to the snow, and start shopping for christmas presents. i love christmas and the whole holiday season. its a breath of fresh air and love and happiness.
mom says i better start my list soon.

here's the beginnings:
(real list)

little house on the prarie books
the white album
1928 jewelry from department stores
gift certificates to wherever

the endings:
(unrealistic list)
my bike!

afternoon delight.

i just realized i've been working at my job for over a year and i feel like i've been working here for a month. no one knows me or cares about me here. yesterday i came to work and my desk (which i was informed that i must sit at now, because if i sit at the desk with the computer, it looks like i'm not doing anything...which i'm not because there's nothing to do) was just sitting out in the hallway outside our office. my few things were strewn across another empty desk. no one said a word. the only recognition i get from them is a glance at my left hand once a week only for them to discover that it is ringless. they just discovered a week ago that i'm dating someone, and have been for nearly 8 months.

she just said she's polish

halloween was a total bust. i did nothing. my family hosts a little garage party for our street every year and all the families come with their two or three children and we eat and then the parents take the kids trick or treating. oh, i miss those days. i had to go to class on monday night and analyze a poem. seven kids came to class and i was one of them.
yeseterday my friend priscella asked me if i was in love with david. it felt so good to look up from under my overgrown bangs and say, "yes. yes i am." things aren't perfect, but they will be.