so, i did it. finally! i cut off my hair. i had no idea what i wanted to do cut-wise, so i picked a picture and showed the scissor-holder and she cut it all off. its very very short compared to how long it was! i'm still getting used to it.
we're going to move again...out of this house. its too cold and we can't get it above 60 degrees upstairs. plus our landlords are a bit crazy. david's going to do some calling tomorrow. tonight we came down to my parent's house and went out to dinner, played some sequence (a card/board game), and looked through my baby box. i'm so excited that my mom saved some of my baby shoes. mine and remy's baby blessing dress is in there. i'm so excited because i didn't know that we still had it. it's white with little pink rosebuds all over it with a little matching bonnet. there's also a little tiny pink bathing suit with a duck on it.
tomorrow we're helping my mom out with a gourmet girls thing and making a little money doing that. we're also doing that next weekend. tomorrow night is our ward christmas party which should be fun because most likely kollin and brean and glen and kari will be there which means good company with younger couples from the ward and a good chance that i'll get to hold baby kourtney some of the night!
as for now, i'm going to try to sleep in a place other than my house which i'm not used to doing anymore.
p.s. we're still incredibly poor as i am still jobless.
but we're happy and that's really all that matters.


alright so, internet is rarely working at this place which means i spend about 6 hours a day watching food network. as for now, i'm still jobless but it's alright. david is loving working with his hands again, i can tell, because he comes home with sap all over 'em every day. on wednesday he came home with sap in his hair! poor kid.

we're very excited about moving into our own place again, but very grateful to john and jean for letting us stay here for three weeks. tonight we're planning on staying at the apartment and packing up as much as possible, and visiting with my family since we haven't seen them in so long.

last night we had a little barbeque at dustin's and chelsea's where i finally got to hold chloe! that girl sure does like her sleep. david took some really great pictures of her last week but we haven't uploaded them yet. we're both hoping for a super great camera for christmas, that way we can capture chloe at her cutest.

the times they are


this weekend we move ourselves and a few things to david's parent's house for a few weeks until we can move into our new little house. david's getting a truck today, hopefully, and we'll be all set (regardless of the fact that we have negative money).

next week i'll be commuting down the hill for my last week here at work. my job hunt continues. i'm trying to find one where a giant saint bernard won't nudge me while i'm typing. and where i won't have to work on sundays.

i've had mates of state stuck in my head for days. tomorrow is a girl's night but i'm not sure if i should i still a "girl"? next week will be crazy. moving, driving, weddings, babies being born and making me an aunt! soon enough we'll be dressing her up in her little baby ugg boots. chloe, come out!

sooner or later

david just called me and said that his uncle asked him to start working for him on monday. this is a great and exciting thing, and i can tell how happy david is about it. there are just a few problems...

1. david hasn't even mentioned to his work that he's planning on leaving. i KNOW he's going to call them today and say he's done. he hates his job right now. ok, i guess that isn't really a problem.
2. we told the owners of the house we want to rent that we couldn't move in until november 1. they did want us to move in asap, so maybe they'll give us the house.
3. i dont have a job yet.
4. i still have a job here and i told them i'd be here until around the end of october. can i just leave? should i stay here and keep looking for a job?
5. we only have one car as soon as david quits. we have to fix the window on my broken car, and sell it, then find a truck for david.
6. if we end up finding a car, quitting both of our jobs and me getting a new job, we might have to live with david's parents which is no big deal. or we could move into the yellow house, but we'll have to come up with about $2,000.

david's uncle offered him $17 an hour which is pretty nice. plus he'll be doing something he loves. this will work out somehow and i know it will be great. i really needed this. i've been so negative lately but the idea of being where we want so soon is making me happier by the second.

the office

david and i bought the office, season two and watched the whole thing in a few days. all i wanted was for pam and jim to get together. i love this show! there is no way that you could not like it.
so this weekend was so busy, but it felt really long. on friday as soon as i got home from work (david had been home for hours because work is extremely slow right now) we left for up the mountain. after a little rosie's, i went to an interview at the ucla conference center that david's dad had set up for me. as soon as we walked in, the lady at the front desk took one look at david and said, "you've got to be john's son." it's so funny, this whole fenn thing. everyone looks alike and everyone knows a fenn. luckily, now that i'm a fenn, i get to reap the benefits. anyway, i met with her but it was downhill from there. she offered me the job, but it was only part time, 20 hrs a week, and anywhere from 7am to midnight, and every day of the week. i just can't work on sundays. so now i've continued my job search.
as for the house search, we drove around and looked at a couple. we picked up nathan and keith and went to check out a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom that was only $950 a month in Lake arrowhead. no one lived there and it was locked so david climbed over the railing and the slider just happened to be unlocked. this place was hilarious. it was all wood inside, tiny kitchen, and weird living room on the main floor and a full bath, up stairs was a big loft and another bathroom, downstairs was the master but it had no closet and a half bath. it was so strange. we checked out another one but we couldnt get in until the next day. it was nice, 3 bedroom 2 bath, wood floors and nice kitchen except that it didn't have central heating. no. way. we stayed up the whole weekend except for dustin and chelsea's baby shower. it was pretty fun. also, amanda came down and i didnt even know she was coming. on sunday we made a few more calls after church. david dialed one number for a 2 bedrom 1.5 bath that was near the golf course in lake arrowhead (nice area) and the lady answered the phone and said "john?". haha. i guess the lady is a principal at some school and knows david's parents. they came and showed us the house. HOUSE! it's on this amazing street thats nice and wide. the house is yellow with white trim, and has a picket fence on each side. it has a driveway! it has a big living room and decent sized kitchen, and two bedrooms. it has a deck off of the main floor and two little ones off of each bedroom. it has a laundry room! this place is amazing. it's $925 a month, which is $25 more than what we're paying now! i love it. the realtors said that they've had a few applications already but then they said that they talked about how much they loved the fenn family. so pretty much we'll probably get this house because we're fenns. score! now we just have to try to get out of our lease, or come up with $2400 in the month of october.

on the disco, right

my boss at work listens to disco in his office which just happens to be right next to mine. it's funny.
20 more minutes and i get to go home. the past few weeks have been really slow at work. it's nice to get home and have david there (even though he's usually sleeping on the couch instead of cleaning something). he brought me flowers today at work.
soon enough we'll be in the mountains and the smell of fall will be all around. it's going to be so strange to live in a new place. i'm excited for sweaters and fires!


i really like the banjo. i really, really do.
i like to write in my blog at work because it takes up more time than i realize. and a lot of days i have nothing to do. so i've decided what i want to do with my life. i'm going to go to school to become a librarian. a librarian?! yes. i've wanted to be one since i was little, i would take all of our books and make little cards and check people in and out. when i told my mom that i wanted to be a librarian when i grew up, she said, "librarians don't make any money. they're only volunteers." so i just figured i'd find something else that i wanted to do. but i didn't.
until monday night when my cousin sarah said she's going to be a librarian. she said if you get your masters then you can be a librarian at a university's library. so i told everyone that that was what i was going to do too. so, like 6 more years of college until i can fulfill my dream, and it's not like anything is in my way of achieving this, like not going to school this semester, and david not being done with school, and me planning on having children or anything like that.
we'll see what happens. so, is this what it finally feels like to know what you want to do with your life? (other than be a wife, check. and be a mother, future check.)

just married

alright, kids, we did it! we're married. the entire day went so fast, yet so slowly at the same time. near the end, i just wanted it to be over so i could go to sleep (as you can imagine, that didnt happen) (actually, dont imagine it).
the day was beautiful, somehow the weather cooled down into the 80's just for my wedding because someone knew i couldnt handle taking pictures in the burning hot sun. the temple was felt like forever sitting there, though, waiting to be married. our sealer told us he was sealed by joseph fielding smith 58 years earlier. so amazing! the best part of the whole day was holding david's hand, walking into the sealing room and seeing all of our friends and family sitting there, waiting for us. it was ridiculous. during the day i kept picturing that and every time, i got choked up again. then we were married!
our pictures are so crazy. i can't believe that we were lucky enough to find such great photographers. they are my favorite part of the whole wedding.
the reception is a blur and i barely remember anything, but i was so surprised that so many people came.
the honeymoon was fun, it was so nice to relax. but near the end i wanted to go home and start real life with my new husband! i'm so happy to be a fenn now, i love it. everything went better than i could have imagined. now we're just settling in, but trying to find a place in lake arrowhead or crestline so we can move and david can work at something he really wants to do, which is building houses. i'm skipping this semester of school since apparently classes already started. i'll work full time and so will david, and he'll go to school. things are going to just keep getting better, but they're so good now i can't even imagine. im so thankful for david because he takes such good care of me. life is sweet.

aww, peaches

alright folks, we're down to less than a week. this weekend was crazy, full of new experiences but i loved it. i dont know why i was ever worried.
today is my bridal shoot, which i am very excited for because david and i chose the best photographers imaginable. i dont like getting my picture taken but amelia just talks to you and makes you feel like you're having a semi-normal conversation. i'm having maleah do my hair and everything is planned out so it should be good!
dad and david hung lights in the backyard and we lit it up last night, after a drumroll (christmas vacation style) and it looked amazing. very romantic.
also just in, trevor has moved back home because he was living with his friend and that kid's mom, who was 6 months behind on her rent. so much for his "freedom".
Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
chew on that, little bro.


"I like his warmth and his being-there and his making jokes and stories and what he reads and how he shows his gladness for what I cook him and joy for when I make something, a poem or a cake, and how he is troubled when I am unhappy and wants to do anything so I can fight out my soul-battles and grow up with courage and a philosphical ease. I love his good smell and his body that fits with mine as if they were made in the same body-shop."

It's true. I do like these things, actually i love them and i can't wait to discover if all of these things are true when we're even closer than we are. (when we get our own bed peace and hair peace).
It's time to switch to SP's Journal again.

runaway bride

i'm so glad this weekend is over! it was wonderful, but sooo crazy. friday night we picked up amanda from the airport, after david, garen and i walked around victoria gardens and saw lady in the water. we decided to eat at fudruckers because everyone really likes it. mmm ranch and fries. i went home after because i was so tired. saturday morning i was planning on waking up at seven to do laundry but my mom woke me up before that because some fool had thrown a trash can at my car and it had shattered my back window. thanks, you retards who have no jobs or lives so you go around at night breaking people's things. so that was a nice way to start out the day of my bridal shower. i tried to push it away and got ready to pick hilary up from the airport. keiri came down early to go with us, and we all went to the dressmaker's house to have our dresses fitted. mines almost done, and every time i try it on i love it more and more. i'm so excited that i'm able to have my dream dress.
the shower was really fun, and nearly 50 people were there. we played a fun game and i opened presents FOREVER. it was so ridiculous. we got so much stuff! i was really thankful that david's family came. while we were at the shower, david, dustin and their dad were off golfing. it was kind of nice that they were gone, it gave me a chance to be with everyone. when we were loading up the presents, jordan and jasmin came home. i asked jasmin "what do you think is in there?" as i pointed to chelsea's little pregnant belly. "my ball" she replied.
saturday night i stayed at david's so me and amanda could bond. david went to bed early, so me and amanda talked for a while. we were sooo tired. i didnt sleep well because my back was hurting all night...vicodin didnt even help.
sunday we went to church, had bishops interview for our temple recommends, went home and ate fast, said goodbye to amanda, went to the patriarch's house and i got my patriarchal blessing, went to the stake center and had the stake president interview for our temple recommends. we got home and did some more invitations. and that, my friends, is what happens when you're getting married in three weeks. elope. no, seriously. elope.

22 or 3

i can't remember how many days are left. ok, it's starting to feel real. kind of. yesterday keiri came down, which i really really appreciate because i have a hard time with girls who are my friends, and depending on them. i just don't like to be let down. i haven't felt like anyone is really excited about me getting married but i've been pushing it away because that really doesn't matter. so, keiri dyed my hair for me, and we bonded. we were running really late and my first bridal shower ever started at 7...i kept thinking to myself, "it doesnt really matter if i'm late" but then i remembered that the shower was for me, so i needed to be there on time. the whole night was kind of a daze. i opened presents for an hour. it was ridiculous! we got so much stuff. by the end of the night i kind of got used to being the one all of the fuss was for. im just hoping that on saturday when i have another shower, i'll be more comfortable. i'm glad i only have to do this once. and it's not as fun as i thought it was going to be. it kind of just a weird dream.

office space

that's what i have. a little bit of space that's mine. its not an office, and it's not a cubicle, but just a few old desks pushed together with a view of a parking lot.
i didnt know when i started this job that i would be in charge of the entire office. i am in charge of creating the files that hold the reports that i type, i am the only one who does all of these things. what's crazy is that they expect me to know their procedures and how to do everything and how to catch every little thing in every report that THEY do wrong, make 4 extra copies, mail things, answer the phones, create the files. whatever, i can do all of these things, no problem. until my "review" this morning. i "met" the requirements for most areas of the review sheet (which was supposed to be filled out in may, as i was supposed to be reviewed in may, when the reviews were due) but there i am sitting in the little room, being told that i'm doing pretty good. until we got to communication. i guess i'm not the "type" to come into the office and walk around and say hi to all six people who work in here. (mind you, i get here every day at nine and leave every day at one). this really irks me. i have to practice coming in and walking around and telling everyone that i'm here, because they dont notice when i walk in the door and turn on the computer and answer the phones. i felt like i was being told to wear more flare. what an insignificant thing to focus on. flare flare flare. they're so busy they don't notice me. i just figure, i leave and come at the same time every day, they know they dont have to answer the phones when i'm here because i always answer on the first ring, and all they have to do is look up and see me. what a joke.


less than a month, i'll be a fenn. i'll be making my home for myself, which is definitely a new adventure. what's ridiculous is that sometimes it feels sooo close, so incredibly close that i suddenly remember all of the things that i still have to do and wonder, how will we survive? i just keep telling myself that people do it all the time. make it on their own, that is.
sometimes, especially at night, that day seems weeks away (which it is, of course) and i make that baby drive over and tuck me in and in my mind i kind of pretend that after i make him get me a cup of ice water and read me 2 nephi, he will climb in next to me.


for the first time, i actually feel like the wedding is getting close. i've been counting down but it still seemed forever away. 46 more days and i'll be married...i've known it would happen for so long but its just beginning to be real. i am excited beyond belief. and the only thing i'm nervous about is going to the temple, but that's because it's uncharted territory for me. i'm not nervous about being married or getting married or interesting new things i'll have to wear. i'm not nervous about the honeymoon, living away from home, or being on my own for the first time in my life. i just want it to be here. this summer is holding many changes for me that i wonder...i wonder if i'll be the same at the end of the summer as i am now.


16 hours in a car with five other people is craaaazy. but the drive was well worth it. Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingThe portland temple is pretty much in the forest. Also, a poor young uncle was left to care for his 2 year old niece Lucy who obviously did not like boys very much. She did, however, take a liking to me.Photobucket - Video and Image HostingShe climbed up the bench and into my arms she stayed until she fell asleep.Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

only in dreams

so i had this crazy dream last night about my neighbors who moved to pennsylvania a few years ago. i used to babysit for their two kids almost weekly and i loved it. angie was the sweetest lady, and we always had heart to hearts. her husband travelled a lot, so when she went out or had things to do she'd call me over to watch cameron and ellie. they were funny too, always calling me silly english names that they learned from their dad (angie met mark in england when she was abroad for school).
in my dream, however, i was putting ellie to bed and for some reason i changed into a nightgown. mark came home and we started talking and all of the sudden he was conan o brien but still mark...and he was telling me about the book of mormon and how he believed it was true. angie came home too and she was saying the same thing. it was really really weird.


last week went quickly and all of the sudden it was friday. i wasn't feeling very well at work and i planned to just go home and get into bed, but david was done with work so i surprised him by meeting him at the apartment. we went to yorba linda to take the pump in to get fixed, had some late lunch, picked the pump back up and headed home in traffic. i had my dress fitting at 7 but we decided to head to la verne earlier to get it done. david and remy came, but david waited down stairs. my dress is in 4 pieces now...the torso to knee section, the knee to floor section, the shirtish section and the sleeves section. i had to put each piece on inside out and have andrea pin in places that needed to be let out or in. it looks so beautiful already. she's also working on my bridesmaid's dresses which are in lots and lots of pieces, but it seems like they'll be just what i want them to.
david and i have given ourselves over six months to plan the wedding but every day i want more time. it looks like we might even have to move it back a month to september to allow time for the reception place (our friend's backyard) to be finished. i visted there on saturday and its a huge hill of dirt. only the top layer has to be finished for our reception but a lot of things have to be done before it can be completed. everyone is stressing out. the biggest problem with moving the wedding is if we would be able to move our photographer and caterer to the same date a month later. i've been getting headaches every day.
this weekend we're driving up to oregon for my cousin carlie's wedding. i'm so proud of her...her and daniel are getting married in the temple. none of their parents will be attending the ceremony. i cannot imagine myself being so strong. i'm so excited to see her, i haven't in a few years. she's so great!

seventy something

Today I feel more ready for the temple than I ever have before. Sometimes I get worried that I'm too young and marriage has been kind of what's just going to happen to us. But today, I feel good. I have my dress fitting on Friday. I'm not sure how put together it is (it's being made from scratch) but just to even see it slightly formed will be amazing. It is my dream dress. I couldn't have imagined anything better. I can't wait.

tension headache

stressed, i am. for many, many reasons.
i have a ridiculously long torso.
but that's not why i'm stressed.

my brilliant idea

so i've decided to change something. instead of writing in this little journal to no one specific, i've decided to turn it into a letter kind of thing. so i'm going to write to blake...

dear blake,

i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.

lovely day

in an attempt to lose the chub, i'm eating subway for lunch. because its yum and better for me than del taco.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.

earth below us

Garrett comes home today. i cannot wait to hear his voice. two years is a long time. i honestly hope that he lives here instead of utah.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.


Sunday was mother's day and i didnt spend any of it with my own mother. we had planned to go up the hill to spend it at dave and carolyn's because blake was calling going to call after church. when david called me and told me that i would get to speak to blake my little heart skipped a beat. i've never missed a missionary as much as i do him, he's my best friend. there's no one like blake. when he was on speakerphone and we started to talk to him, dustin said something. when i started talking to him he went "natalie?!" the phone then got passed around and when it was my turn, my heart was beating hard and i got all hot. he said he was so excited that i was going to "join the club" and i said "the fenn club?" and we laughed. i told him i was sorry that we couldn't wait until he got home to get married and he said to do what we needed to, that things would be great when he got home. then he told me to keep reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and pretty much bore his testimony to me (i never get sick of hearing testimonies, especially boy's testimonies and especially his). he's such a little sweetheart.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
i love fenn.Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

the weak pear

i love ice cream. do you think that's why i'm a walking pear?

lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.

how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.

slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.

sylvia knows what's up.

so ridiculously, terribly, endlessly bored at work. was reading through old blogs and found my beloved sylvia quotes that i had posted forever ago.
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)

Botanical Gardens

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image HostingPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting


i have friends but they're not like they used to be, you know? like their old selves. they're doing their own thing. i kind of hate it.
but david is all i need so i'm good.

within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?


i'm so tired i feel like dropping my business law class. we've missed the last two weeks and a test, which we'll have to make up tonight. i'm scared.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.


the other day i was looking up something, i forget now what it was, but somehow i came across a website about old disneyland. i'm talking about the disneyland that was brand-new, that my dad went to when he was a child (probably only one time since they were incredibly, shoeless-in-the-summer poor), that held a few rides and a book of tickets that got you on to each ride like a carnival. on this website i fingered through photos of this heartwarming place that held dress-wearing mom's and daughters and collared-shirt wearing father's and sons. it made me jealous for that time! it seemed magical, it brough back feelings of how i pictured disneyland when i was younger. it felt good.
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

weird...Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


decided to bring oatmeal for breakfast to work, ended up being incredibly gummy and sticky. i ate it anyway. (i'm becoming overly pear shaped).
this morning i was told that i was "so cute for saving myself for marriage." anyone else think this is strange?
this weekend we will arrange our apartment, the one we will live in. it's the one that will hold our new dishes, dining chairs and old worn couch. it makes my heart happy.


yesterday i was headache free for most of the day, and it was rare and lovely. tonight i am forking out what feels like millions to have my hair dyed by an actual person in an actual salon. its weird.
soon my love will be closer to me than ever and dinner we will make and movies we will watch in the little tiny apartment that we will call ours soon enough. you make life worthwhile.
so does this little button.
Image hosting by Photobucket
he looks like a little old man, as most babies do.
i'm pretty ticked about being at work right now for a few reasons.
1) i called in and said i had a migraine and they still expected me to come in.
2) i was expected to come in to make copies and file. these are things that are not pending or important AT ALL. they can be done whenever and usually are.
3) i have never been denied a let off from work.

so here i sit, feeling like complete crap making copies of a 2 foot high stack of [unimportant] statements.

tonight i will be alone because david's car isn't fixed yet. i'm really really upset...argh.

wouldn't it be nice

ok kari, i believe you. i won't stop listening to jenny lewis.

this weekend i spent the most money i ever have in my life. we bought little green dining chairs for the day when we have an apartment. it was definitely my favorite purchase, ever.

the beach boys entertained our ears on the way to greg's. it was nice.

it's bound to melt your heart

a few weeks ago sylvia was on tv and i was excited because i never got to see that movie since it was rated R. but it made me kind of upset because even though i knew she was a little crazy (she killed herself by putting her head in the oven) i never pictured her so ridiculously insane. the movie showed her obsessing over her husband and his every act (which was sort of understandable since he was cheating on her with their friend all the time) but she would freak out and rip up stuff and scream and i didn't like it. anyway, what i'm trying to say is my idea of her is kind of crushed because when i read her words i feel like i could be writing them myself but after seeing that movie it's a little harder to relate.

in the past month two of my girlfriends have gotten married and the weirdest thing, i'm discovering, is talking about sex with them. i'm pretty comfortable talking about it because i think it's interesting and i understand that it's private but some stuff you just have to want to talk about, i think. since i haven't experienced it for myself i have a lot of questions but i'm not ever going to ask, how often does it happen? all i have to say is that i wont be shy about talking about it to my friends if they have questions like i do...there's some things you've just got to know.

it's all of the good that won't come out of me

it's freezing in here and the constant change of hot car/cold office produces that ever-ready headache. my right hand is stiff from resting on the mouse. something inside of me has been holding back the words but as you can see i let loose a few weeks ago with that little tale of two loves when they've become one. it's just that even though it will happen it sometimes feels like it really won't.

one whole year

one year ago today, well really earlier this morning, you decided to kiss me. now, i truly wasn't expecting it because i thought you would take things slow. but nope, you went in for that kiss and you got it...and i laughed. it was a nervous laugh not a funny laugh. one year later, i still laugh when you kiss me.
one-fifty-one more days and i'll be in that white dress.

captain moroni!

you know what i love? friends. like keith and amanda. they make me laugh a lot. i kept trying to squirt water on keiths crotchal area from my waterbottle during the fireworks and he never even noticed. it was hilarious.
i'm tired. i'm not used to working..this much. but its not even a lot. it's weird.
i can't wait until i have a house and me and davey live in it, and make dinner with our new pots and pans (and wok), and we dance around in our underwear because we can, take baths, sleep in on saturdays, read out loud together, and you'll paint and i'll write and my hair will be long so you can brush it if you want. we'll have a closet together with our shoes lined up, your big ones next to my baby ones and our bedroom will smell like fresh laundry and fresh flowers, the sun will stream through in the morning and somehow again at night. our books will be stacked and stacked, each containing pressed flowers we've gathered from our after-sunday-dinner walks. flannel sheets will line our bed in the winter and a high-thread-count cotton for the summer, in white and yellows, down feathers will sneak into our hair through the night, your bed head will hold as the sun rises. we'll celebrate our anniversaries by slip n sliding, playing in the hose, and cleaning out the cupboard. its just what we do. if you're away i'll sleep in your tshirts and pajama bottoms, but you won't be away, will you? you wont because you think with your heart. i love you like the day is long.

i can't believe I cried

this weekend felt everlong. friday keiri came after i had slept through harry potter and we went over the wedding plans. she followed me home in the pouring rain where at points i could see nothing. saturday was lazy and yumm and included meeting up with fenns for dinner. it hailed like crazy on the way to evan and jesica's reception in riverside. when they danced i cried...they have just gotten everything that i want. only five more months. sunday was so so so long. we drove up to go to the mountains since amanda came down, but they wouldn't let us up without chains so we waited for davey's family to take us up on the way from picking manda up at the airport. it took forever to get up because people who looked like they've never seen snow before just parked all along the highway up and played in the snow. we finally got there and it began snowing which it didnt stop the whole rest of the day/night. we drove to dresdens to take a paper which we forgot, drove someway back, met his parents, and continued. we slid and saw cars abandoned because of the amount of snow. me and amanda bonded, i'm glad for her or else i'd have no normal relationship with any girl fenns. we watched wallace and grommit at dresdens and drove home. david forgot the key to our car there, and we had to turn around and pick it up and come all the way back. thats about 40 minutes each way...


i get an ipod nano for nothing! isn't that cool? davey won it at work and since he has his own little baby, he's giving it to me. not that i really want it, or anything. today i'm at work early...probably for the last time. i got a new job at some geology research place in the mornings and afternoons on school days. plus with the afternoons where i dont work at the new job i'll still be working here. i'm going to be more busy than i ever have been in my life.
in about two hours i'm going to lunch with my mom and nana, probably with a bunch of other old ladies too. at least i get to miss about 3 hours for lunch. tonight we're watching mattie and bella while brian moves jamie to arizona. its so weird to me that they're going to live apart for nearly three months. i know i could never do that, even seeing eachother on weekends wouldnt be enough. i'd like to think that you'd feel the same way but for some reason i dont think you do. i thought you made decisions with your heart, not your head. that's my department.

sister golden hair

my hair is finally starting to get long. now i just have to resist bringing scissors to it.

things are coming together.

birthday weekend

saturday was lazy and wonderful. we took penny to the apartment and ate jalepenos for lunch and the hat for dinner. then we had a party, and it was lovely to have everyone together. old friends came and mingled with newer ones. we ate trifle and cake and snacks and watched walk the line and didnt get home til 1:30.
friday we got to spend time with new lovers...they made me miss the beginning where every thing gives you butterflies and you are more than willing to drive hours to see the other person. i miss that. those two are good for eachother, i can tell.

double date

i really like
wearing the same jeans every day.
giving up on face makeup.
this ring on my finger.
making dinner.
sleeping in.
job offers, exactly when i need them.
feeling satisfied.
knowing that i can now shop for lingerie, and that it will be worn by me, this year.

so, i haven't planned one official thing for the wedding yet. isn't that scary? it is for a mormon girl.

i'm back

i felt like me again last night!

firstly, i drove in scary rain to david's. but he wasn't home yet. so i rang keith three times, but he never answered. i hoped that he had left the door unlocked as i walked down the newly carpeted halways on the third floor, and it was. i walked into a dark, and what seemed to be empty, apartment. keith was asleep on the couch. then i cleaned and vacuumed and keith did the dishes. david came home and we made dinner. then we watched flava flav and danny deckchair. then we had a dance party (during which i decided that we will be taking dance lessons before our wedding), and keith rocked out to baba o' riley and the phantom. i skinned my elbow on the stripper couch. now theres a scrape and a bruise.

we don't need a wok

seriously though, the trailer for marie antoinette gives me chills it's so good. something about mixing old and new just really does it for me.

so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.

kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.

won't you please let me go

our parents met yesterday... what a silly, silly thing.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.

arizona/bridal shower

i am jealous for the day when women will say to me as i open a white, ribboned, flowered mass of gifts, "And you can make Tuna salad with that one" or "that pan goes with the bundt recipe i gave you" but most of all, "and it's see-through, too!" i feel like that time is so far away, but its really not.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.

shama lama ding dong

the assistant manager at my work is blasting grease from his office, so loudly in fact, that i cannot hear my own thoughts. i came in to work early to finish all the things that need to be done for the meeting tomorrow to find children running, drooling, eating.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.


love, actually?
love, naturally.

bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.

john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.

179 days

i think i'm gonna get married. it's not that i want to be married or have a wedding. i just want what comes after know....
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.

maybe baby

love love love waking up to slobbering, super-chubby children on my bed. spent the morning entertaining baby luke. after not having held a baby in so long it felt surprisingly natural to feed and cart him around the house. i guess i was just born to bear. blah.

bend me, shake me

things are looking up. all i'm looking forward to is when i dont have to drive 25-45 minutes to spend time with david. just a few short months and he'll be living so close.

the newlywed game

it is so stressful being home, it's tense and tough and long. i look forward to school starting so i can be busy and keep my mind of off the confusion. a 35 cent raise on my paycheck doesn't help too much either. the uncertainty of where i will be this year job-wise, love-wise, and house-wise is always on my mind. the simple struggle to get through each day, without getting through to anyone, is enough to make me never want to have children, or only girls, at least. yes, a housefull of girls sounds good to me. i have enough names ready for them anyway. so i'll adopt a grace, an ella, an emma, and maybe even an apple.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.

alone, together

weekend was spent alone shopping together. quite enjoyable. i realized today that i do miss time by myself. i miss coming home from work and struggling over math problems, cleaning/destroying my bedroom, writing and pasting in my journal. tonight i'm going to get that and i'm looking forward to it, but i'm not too sure that i remember how to be alone by myself. realized something else as well, while restarting pride and prejudice i saw how simple jane austen's word choice is compared to the many sequels that have come about in the last decade. its easier to read the original than to read the more latter continuing stories that are over a hundred years apart. i think i talk too much.


just so i dont forget, my password for my grades is audiov8.

the new year

i feel content and peaceful about life and i haven't for a while. it's a nice change. i'm trying to figure out what to do about school, still, though.
i saw pride and prejudice this was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.

Design in CSS by TemplateWorld and sponsored by SmashingMagazine
Blogger Template created by Deluxe Templates