my brilliant idea

so i've decided to change something. instead of writing in this little journal to no one specific, i've decided to turn it into a letter kind of thing. so i'm going to write to blake...

dear blake,

i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.

lovely day

in an attempt to lose the chub, i'm eating subway for lunch. because its yum and better for me than del taco.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.

earth below us

Garrett comes home today. i cannot wait to hear his voice. two years is a long time. i honestly hope that he lives here instead of utah.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.


Sunday was mother's day and i didnt spend any of it with my own mother. we had planned to go up the hill to spend it at dave and carolyn's because blake was calling going to call after church. when david called me and told me that i would get to speak to blake my little heart skipped a beat. i've never missed a missionary as much as i do him, he's my best friend. there's no one like blake. when he was on speakerphone and we started to talk to him, dustin said something. when i started talking to him he went "natalie?!" the phone then got passed around and when it was my turn, my heart was beating hard and i got all hot. he said he was so excited that i was going to "join the club" and i said "the fenn club?" and we laughed. i told him i was sorry that we couldn't wait until he got home to get married and he said to do what we needed to, that things would be great when he got home. then he told me to keep reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and pretty much bore his testimony to me (i never get sick of hearing testimonies, especially boy's testimonies and especially his). he's such a little sweetheart.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
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the weak pear

i love ice cream. do you think that's why i'm a walking pear?

lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.

how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.

slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.

sylvia knows what's up.

so ridiculously, terribly, endlessly bored at work. was reading through old blogs and found my beloved sylvia quotes that i had posted forever ago.
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)

Botanical Gardens

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i have friends but they're not like they used to be, you know? like their old selves. they're doing their own thing. i kind of hate it.
but david is all i need so i'm good.

within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?


i'm so tired i feel like dropping my business law class. we've missed the last two weeks and a test, which we'll have to make up tonight. i'm scared.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.


the other day i was looking up something, i forget now what it was, but somehow i came across a website about old disneyland. i'm talking about the disneyland that was brand-new, that my dad went to when he was a child (probably only one time since they were incredibly, shoeless-in-the-summer poor), that held a few rides and a book of tickets that got you on to each ride like a carnival. on this website i fingered through photos of this heartwarming place that held dress-wearing mom's and daughters and collared-shirt wearing father's and sons. it made me jealous for that time! it seemed magical, it brough back feelings of how i pictured disneyland when i was younger. it felt good.
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

weird...Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
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