oatmeal

decided to bring oatmeal for breakfast to work, ended up being incredibly gummy and sticky. i ate it anyway. (i'm becoming overly pear shaped).
this morning i was told that i was "so cute for saving myself for marriage." anyone else think this is strange?
this weekend we will arrange our apartment, the one we will live in. it's the one that will hold our new dishes, dining chairs and old worn couch. it makes my heart happy.

lucas

yesterday i was headache free for most of the day, and it was rare and lovely. tonight i am forking out what feels like millions to have my hair dyed by an actual person in an actual salon. its weird.
soon my love will be closer to me than ever and dinner we will make and movies we will watch in the little tiny apartment that we will call ours soon enough. you make life worthwhile.
so does this little button.

he looks like a little old man, as most babies do.

i'm pretty ticked about being at work right now for a few reasons.
1) i called in and said i had a migraine and they still expected me to come in.
2) i was expected to come in to make copies and file. these are things that are not pending or important AT ALL. they can be done whenever and usually are.
3) i have never been denied a let off from work.

so here i sit, feeling like complete crap making copies of a 2 foot high stack of [unimportant] statements.

tonight i will be alone because david's car isn't fixed yet. i'm really really upset...argh.

wouldn't it be nice

ok kari, i believe you. i won't stop listening to jenny lewis.

this weekend i spent the most money i ever have in my life. we bought little green dining chairs for the day when we have an apartment. it was definitely my favorite purchase, ever.

the beach boys entertained our ears on the way to greg's. it was nice.

it's bound to melt your heart

a few weeks ago sylvia was on tv and i was excited because i never got to see that movie since it was rated R. but it made me kind of upset because even though i knew she was a little crazy (she killed herself by putting her head in the oven) i never pictured her so ridiculously insane. the movie showed her obsessing over her husband and his every act (which was sort of understandable since he was cheating on her with their friend all the time) but she would freak out and rip up stuff and scream and i didn't like it. anyway, what i'm trying to say is my idea of her is kind of crushed because when i read her words i feel like i could be writing them myself but after seeing that movie it's a little harder to relate.

in the past month two of my girlfriends have gotten married and the weirdest thing, i'm discovering, is talking about sex with them. i'm pretty comfortable talking about it because i think it's interesting and i understand that it's private but some stuff you just have to want to talk about, i think. since i haven't experienced it for myself i have a lot of questions but i'm not ever going to ask them...like, how often does it happen? all i have to say is that i wont be shy about talking about it to my friends if they have questions like i do...there's some things you've just got to know.

it's all of the good that won't come out of me

it's freezing in here and the constant change of hot car/cold office produces that ever-ready headache. my right hand is stiff from resting on the mouse. something inside of me has been holding back the words but as you can see i let loose a few weeks ago with that little tale of two loves when they've become one. it's just that even though it will happen it sometimes feels like it really won't.

one whole year

one year ago today, well really earlier this morning, you decided to kiss me. now, i truly wasn't expecting it because i thought you would take things slow. but nope, you went in for that kiss and you got it...and i laughed. it was a nervous laugh not a funny laugh. one year later, i still laugh when you kiss me.
one-fifty-one more days and i'll be in that white dress.

captain moroni!

you know what i love? friends. like keith and amanda. they make me laugh a lot. i kept trying to squirt water on keiths crotchal area from my waterbottle during the fireworks and he never even noticed. it was hilarious.
i'm tired. i'm not used to working..this much. but its not even a lot. it's weird.
i can't wait until i have a house and me and davey live in it, and make dinner with our new pots and pans (and wok), and we dance around in our underwear because we can, take baths, sleep in on saturdays, read out loud together, and you'll paint and i'll write and my hair will be long so you can brush it if you want. we'll have a closet together with our shoes lined up, your big ones next to my baby ones and our bedroom will smell like fresh laundry and fresh flowers, the sun will stream through in the morning and somehow again at night. our books will be stacked and stacked, each containing pressed flowers we've gathered from our after-sunday-dinner walks. flannel sheets will line our bed in the winter and a high-thread-count cotton for the summer, in white and yellows, down feathers will sneak into our hair through the night, your bed head will hold as the sun rises. we'll celebrate our anniversaries by slip n sliding, playing in the hose, and cleaning out the cupboard. its just what we do. if you're away i'll sleep in your tshirts and pajama bottoms, but you won't be away, will you? you wont because you think with your heart. i love you like the day is long.

i can't believe I cried

this weekend felt everlong. friday keiri came after i had slept through harry potter and we went over the wedding plans. she followed me home in the pouring rain where at points i could see nothing. saturday was lazy and yumm and included meeting up with fenns for dinner. it hailed like crazy on the way to evan and jesica's reception in riverside. when they danced i cried...they have just gotten everything that i want. only five more months. sunday was so so so long. we drove up to go to the mountains since amanda came down, but they wouldn't let us up without chains so we waited for davey's family to take us up on the way from picking manda up at the airport. it took forever to get up because people who looked like they've never seen snow before just parked all along the highway up and played in the snow. we finally got there and it began snowing which it didnt stop the whole rest of the day/night. we drove to dresdens to take a paper which we forgot, drove someway back, met his parents, and continued. we slid and saw cars abandoned because of the amount of snow. me and amanda bonded, i'm glad for her or else i'd have no normal relationship with any girl fenns. we watched wallace and grommit at dresdens and drove home. david forgot the key to our car there, and we had to turn around and pick it up and come all the way back. thats about 40 minutes each way...

ipizzle

i get an ipod nano for nothing! isn't that cool? davey won it at work and since he has his own little baby, he's giving it to me. not that i really want it, or anything. today i'm at work early...probably for the last time. i got a new job at some geology research place in the mornings and afternoons on school days. plus with the afternoons where i dont work at the new job i'll still be working here. i'm going to be more busy than i ever have been in my life.
in about two hours i'm going to lunch with my mom and nana, probably with a bunch of other old ladies too. at least i get to miss about 3 hours for lunch. tonight we're watching mattie and bella while brian moves jamie to arizona. its so weird to me that they're going to live apart for nearly three months. i know i could never do that, even seeing eachother on weekends wouldnt be enough. i'd like to think that you'd feel the same way but for some reason i dont think you do. i thought you made decisions with your heart, not your head. that's my department.

sister golden hair

my hair is finally starting to get long. now i just have to resist bringing scissors to it.

things are coming together.

birthday weekend

saturday was lazy and wonderful. we took penny to the apartment and ate jalepenos for lunch and the hat for dinner. then we had a party, and it was lovely to have everyone together. old friends came and mingled with newer ones. we ate trifle and cake and snacks and watched walk the line and didnt get home til 1:30.
friday we got to spend time with new lovers...they made me miss the beginning where every thing gives you butterflies and you are more than willing to drive hours to see the other person. i miss that. those two are good for eachother, i can tell.

double date

i really like things...like...
wearing the same jeans every day.
giving up on face makeup.
this ring on my finger.
making dinner.
sleeping in.
saturdays.
job offers, exactly when i need them.
feeling satisfied.
knowing that i can now shop for lingerie, and that it will be worn by me, this year.

so, i haven't planned one official thing for the wedding yet. isn't that scary? it is for a mormon girl.

i'm back

i felt like me again last night!

firstly, i drove in scary rain to david's. but he wasn't home yet. so i rang keith three times, but he never answered. i hoped that he had left the door unlocked as i walked down the newly carpeted halways on the third floor, and it was. i walked into a dark, and what seemed to be empty, apartment. keith was asleep on the couch. then i cleaned and vacuumed and keith did the dishes. david came home and we made dinner. then we watched flava flav and danny deckchair. then we had a dance party (during which i decided that we will be taking dance lessons before our wedding), and keith rocked out to baba o' riley and the phantom. i skinned my elbow on the stripper couch. now theres a scrape and a bruise.

we don't need a wok

seriously though, the trailer for marie antoinette gives me chills it's so good. something about mixing old and new just really does it for me.

so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.

kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.

won't you please let me go

our parents met yesterday... what a silly, silly thing.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.

arizona/bridal shower

i am jealous for the day when women will say to me as i open a white, ribboned, flowered mass of gifts, "And you can make Tuna salad with that one" or "that pan goes with the bundt recipe i gave you" but most of all, "and it's see-through, too!" i feel like that time is so far away, but its really not.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.

shama lama ding dong

the assistant manager at my work is blasting grease from his office, so loudly in fact, that i cannot hear my own thoughts. i came in to work early to finish all the things that need to be done for the meeting tomorrow to find children running, drooling, eating.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.

178

love, actually?
love, naturally.

bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.

john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.

179 days

i think i'm gonna get married. it's not that i want to be married or have a wedding. i just want what comes after that...you know....
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.