maybe baby

love love love waking up to slobbering, super-chubby children on my bed. spent the morning entertaining baby luke. after not having held a baby in so long it felt surprisingly natural to feed and cart him around the house. i guess i was just born to bear. blah.

bend me, shake me

things are looking up. all i'm looking forward to is when i dont have to drive 25-45 minutes to spend time with david. just a few short months and he'll be living so close.

the newlywed game

it is so stressful being home, it's tense and tough and long. i look forward to school starting so i can be busy and keep my mind of off the confusion. a 35 cent raise on my paycheck doesn't help too much either. the uncertainty of where i will be this year job-wise, love-wise, and house-wise is always on my mind. the simple struggle to get through each day, without getting through to anyone, is enough to make me never want to have children, or only girls, at least. yes, a housefull of girls sounds good to me. i have enough names ready for them anyway. so i'll adopt a grace, an ella, an emma, and maybe even an apple.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.

alone, together

weekend was spent alone shopping together. quite enjoyable. i realized today that i do miss time by myself. i miss coming home from work and struggling over math problems, cleaning/destroying my bedroom, writing and pasting in my journal. tonight i'm going to get that and i'm looking forward to it, but i'm not too sure that i remember how to be alone by myself. realized something else as well, while restarting pride and prejudice i saw how simple jane austen's word choice is compared to the many sequels that have come about in the last decade. its easier to read the original than to read the more latter continuing stories that are over a hundred years apart. i think i talk too much.

password

just so i dont forget, my password for my grades is audiov8.

the new year

i feel content and peaceful about life and i haven't for a while. it's a nice change. i'm trying to figure out what to do about school, still, though.
i saw pride and prejudice this weekend...it was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.

the stars at night are big and bright

deep in the heart of texas!

i love christmas and i loveD christmas. i got mucho de cosas:
*a bike
*gift card for glen ivy
*basket and bell for my bike
*gift card for nordstrom
*beatles book
*domino set from morocco
and a ton of other things too. my parents went crazy.

davey spent chrismas eve with us and spent the night. on sunday we went to church in the new building. then we opened presents and me and david headed up the mountain. it was a ton of fun, because everyone was there. i love fenn. i miss blake and i especially missed him when we went through pictures from hawaii. his little curly head. decisions were made this long weekend that i am quite happy with. yeah, life is good.

Pot of gold.

My sweet, my dear, my darling, you're so far away from me.
Though an ocean of tears divides us,
Let the bridge of our love span the sea.

And when the veil of dreams has lifted,
And the fairy tales have all been told,
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow;
More precious than a pot of gold.

three days til christmas...our first one together.

SP speaks from my soul, bones, heart

Please, let me be casual and gay and right with him now. I am YOUNG, naive, childish, sixteen emotionally. My reactions are too obvious, too excitable easily. I will be lovely, vivacious, witty, the very best me that I always want to be with you.
[I] want a brilliant mind that I can stimulate, but that I can also honestly look up to. And this one has it. Mentally he satisfies; physically he satisfies. It is rather blissful to share witty talk with a man who is also three-dimensionally satisfactory as this one is. power: he offers that. I am strong, in spite of being childish and weak now and then. I need a strong mate: I do not want to accidentally crush him like a steamroller (as I would have others, certainly). And while comradely, I must admire him: respect and admiration must equate with the object of my love. And with him there would be a great, evolving, intellectual dignity to life. I am sure of it. I can walk tall and proud beside him in my body and in my mind. How will it work out? I don't know.

the real notebook

so, what's so great about this picture? oh, maybe it's the fact that the greatest romance ever portrayed on screen is probably real...it seems like love is better than ever.

i regret to inform you

i'll be the platform shoes
undo what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes

no, the ring on my RIGHT finger is not an engagement ring.
so, i figured out what's wrong with me...i can't be alone. i am NEVER alone. i always have plans, and things to fulfill time in between the plans. but when plans are changed, my mind jerks and i freak because there's now this space of five hours with nothing to fill it. that's when my emotions go crazy and i say things i don't mean, and nyquil somehow finds it's way into my belly.
i can't go from always having something to do with you to times where there is useless blanks so easily. i've been honed into how i am for the past 9 months...it takes more than 1 to get back to how i was.

oooh, that's right
let's take a breath jump over the side.

all i really really really want is to have this again.
...race to the dock, watch blake's face as he takes the boat out for the first time that year, hold hands with ashley as we jump in the freezing lake, lay out with nathan, snuggle with davey, float with rach. then we go home and have a barbeque, watch movies and enjoy each other's company.

i have struggled in vain, it will not do!

only three weeks of school left. and i'm glad. i missed class last night because i really didn't feel well. my body was all tired and my head was all fuzzy. i went home, but for some reason didn't feel comfortable there. i'm pretty much never there at night because of school or going out. my parents weren't home, and it was loud, so i just left. my house feels like a house and not a home, and i really really hate it. i guess it's my fault.
this weekend was long but still went quickly. we did a lot. went shopping, ate rosies, had thanksgiving, went to farewells, dealt with engagements and bridal showers and deadly cramps. we listened to blake's tape he made, and it was so weird. it was a total trip to listen to his voice and hear him speak portuguese. i'm so proud of him, but i miss him sooo much. last night i had a dream about him. he was home for the holidays! and for some reason it was just me and him hanging out. we went to see coldplay play, and there was barely anyone there. we went to a pet shop and everywhere we went we were holding hands. i think i liked him! ahh. at one point i was putting on chapstick and all in his face, waiting for him to kiss me. sorry david and ashley! i had no control. but he didnt kiss me. luckily.
tonight i see pride and prejudice! i'm reading two sequels to it right now... i love it.

rock n roll fantasy

exactly what i want.

there was heat from the fire, but we still froze

ugh, i think i just posted a blank blog. whatev. so i'm totally not doing as well in school as i thought i was. and i barely even miss class! this is such a joke. i guess i better start studying. i wish i gained knowledge by reading good books instead of listening to a lame instructor and taking tests.

only three days of work and school this week! and thanksgiving, yummmm. it'll be nice to have a long weekend to do fun things. last saturday me and davey went up the mountain and had a pre-thanksgiving with his family. it was delicious and super fun. then we went and visited dresden because she was home for the weekend. brett came over and we watched the skeleton key. it wasnt too scary, but i still got creeped out. it was freeeeezing up there. i love the mountains so much. i could totally live there. p.s. i still miss blake. but i got a letter from him! yay. and ashley got a tape that we still need to listen to.

today i saw a little blond boy coming out of target with his parents and he had on shorts and a t-shirt, and rubber rain boots. he reminded me of my future child.

there was heat from the fire, but we still froze

the aussies

"i came half-way around the world for a bloomin' onion!"

i want to live where soul meets body

pretty good weekend. things are good. spent afternoon playing with lola and eating in n out. now i'm bored at work, as usual. but i am happy.

step into my office, baby.

if there was ever an album that sounded like what i feel like, or what i want my life to feel like, it would be the arcade fire. everytime i listen to it, i feel like i'm transported back to another decade, one where i should be living...with flowery dresses, boots, super long hair, orange-yellow furniture, and babies in cloth diapers.

hiccups

i just randomly got major hiccups right now. i'm so hungry. i'm gonna eat soft tacos and french fries for dinner, then go to school early so i can put in hours in the lab, and then sit for two hours and read from a play. its the misanthrope by moliere. i like it, actually. so today i had to go to the orthodontist to get my retainer fixed so it would keep moving my teeth, and dr. ericson says: "you know, i dont think that this retainer is gonna move them enough. let's put brackets on." so two hours later i left, (i had also visited the dentist office nextdoor, and waited for an hour) with braces! well, kind of. only six brackets on my bottom teeth. and i didnt have cavities either. i thought i had one, thats why i went in the first place. can you get a cavity in a filling? i dont know. i went home, dealt with family drama, and then a bracket popped off my lower 3. so i had to go all the way back and have them put it back on.
i'm back into my reading kicks. i always like to read, but everyone once and a while, i'll go through two months of non-stop reading during all my leisure time. its very wonderful.
charlie and the chocolate factory came out today. and i'm going to bed early because i didnt sleep well and woke up at 6:30. blah.



p.s. i'm still in love.