i'm so glad this weekend is over! it was wonderful, but sooo crazy. friday night we picked up amanda from the airport, after david, garen and i walked around victoria gardens and saw lady in the water. we decided to eat at fudruckers because everyone really likes it. mmm ranch and fries. i went home after because i was so tired. saturday morning i was planning on waking up at seven to do laundry but my mom woke me up before that because some fool had thrown a trash can at my car and it had shattered my back window. thanks, you retards who have no jobs or lives so you go around at night breaking people's things. so that was a nice way to start out the day of my bridal shower. i tried to push it away and got ready to pick hilary up from the airport. keiri came down early to go with us, and we all went to the dressmaker's house to have our dresses fitted. mines almost done, and every time i try it on i love it more and more. i'm so excited that i'm able to have my dream dress.
the shower was really fun, and nearly 50 people were there. we played a fun game and i opened presents FOREVER. it was so ridiculous. we got so much stuff! i was really thankful that david's family came. while we were at the shower, david, dustin and their dad were off golfing. it was kind of nice that they were gone, it gave me a chance to be with everyone. when we were loading up the presents, jordan and jasmin came home. i asked jasmin "what do you think is in there?" as i pointed to chelsea's little pregnant belly. "my ball" she replied.
saturday night i stayed at david's so me and amanda could bond. david went to bed early, so me and amanda talked for a while. we were sooo tired. i didnt sleep well because my back was hurting all night...vicodin didnt even help.
sunday we went to church, had bishops interview for our temple recommends, went home and ate fast, said goodbye to amanda, went to the patriarch's house and i got my patriarchal blessing, went to the stake center and had the stake president interview for our temple recommends. we got home and did some more invitations. and that, my friends, is what happens when you're getting married in three weeks. elope. no, seriously. elope.
22 or 3
i can't remember how many days are left. ok, it's starting to feel real. kind of. yesterday keiri came down, which i really really appreciate because i have a hard time with girls who are my friends, and depending on them. i just don't like to be let down. i haven't felt like anyone is really excited about me getting married but i've been pushing it away because that really doesn't matter. so, keiri dyed my hair for me, and we bonded. we were running really late and my first bridal shower ever started at 7...i kept thinking to myself, "it doesnt really matter if i'm late" but then i remembered that the shower was for me, so i needed to be there on time. the whole night was kind of a daze. i opened presents for an hour. it was ridiculous! we got so much stuff. by the end of the night i kind of got used to being the one all of the fuss was for. im just hoping that on saturday when i have another shower, i'll be more comfortable. i'm glad i only have to do this once. and it's not as fun as i thought it was going to be. it kind of just feels...like a weird dream.
office space
that's what i have. a little bit of space that's mine. its not an office, and it's not a cubicle, but just a few old desks pushed together with a view of a parking lot.
i didnt know when i started this job that i would be in charge of the entire office. i am in charge of creating the files that hold the reports that i type, i am the only one who does all of these things. what's crazy is that they expect me to know their procedures and how to do everything and how to catch every little thing in every report that THEY do wrong, make 4 extra copies, mail things, answer the phones, create the files. whatever, i can do all of these things, no problem. until my "review" this morning. i "met" the requirements for most areas of the review sheet (which was supposed to be filled out in may, as i was supposed to be reviewed in may, when the reviews were due) but there i am sitting in the little room, being told that i'm doing pretty good. until we got to communication. i guess i'm not the "type" to come into the office and walk around and say hi to all six people who work in here. (mind you, i get here every day at nine and leave every day at one). this really irks me. i have to practice coming in and walking around and telling everyone that i'm here, because they dont notice when i walk in the door and turn on the computer and answer the phones. i felt like i was being told to wear more flare. what an insignificant thing to focus on. flare flare flare. they're so busy they don't notice me. i just figure, i leave and come at the same time every day, they know they dont have to answer the phones when i'm here because i always answer on the first ring, and all they have to do is look up and see me. what a joke.
i didnt know when i started this job that i would be in charge of the entire office. i am in charge of creating the files that hold the reports that i type, i am the only one who does all of these things. what's crazy is that they expect me to know their procedures and how to do everything and how to catch every little thing in every report that THEY do wrong, make 4 extra copies, mail things, answer the phones, create the files. whatever, i can do all of these things, no problem. until my "review" this morning. i "met" the requirements for most areas of the review sheet (which was supposed to be filled out in may, as i was supposed to be reviewed in may, when the reviews were due) but there i am sitting in the little room, being told that i'm doing pretty good. until we got to communication. i guess i'm not the "type" to come into the office and walk around and say hi to all six people who work in here. (mind you, i get here every day at nine and leave every day at one). this really irks me. i have to practice coming in and walking around and telling everyone that i'm here, because they dont notice when i walk in the door and turn on the computer and answer the phones. i felt like i was being told to wear more flare. what an insignificant thing to focus on. flare flare flare. they're so busy they don't notice me. i just figure, i leave and come at the same time every day, they know they dont have to answer the phones when i'm here because i always answer on the first ring, and all they have to do is look up and see me. what a joke.
ridiculoso
less than a month, i'll be a fenn. i'll be making my home for myself, which is definitely a new adventure. what's ridiculous is that sometimes it feels sooo close, so incredibly close that i suddenly remember all of the things that i still have to do and wonder, how will we survive? i just keep telling myself that people do it all the time. make it on their own, that is.
sometimes, especially at night, that day seems weeks away (which it is, of course) and i make that baby drive over and tuck me in and in my mind i kind of pretend that after i make him get me a cup of ice water and read me 2 nephi, he will climb in next to me.
sometimes, especially at night, that day seems weeks away (which it is, of course) and i make that baby drive over and tuck me in and in my mind i kind of pretend that after i make him get me a cup of ice water and read me 2 nephi, he will climb in next to me.
46
for the first time, i actually feel like the wedding is getting close. i've been counting down but it still seemed forever away. 46 more days and i'll be married...i've known it would happen for so long but its just beginning to be real. i am excited beyond belief. and the only thing i'm nervous about is going to the temple, but that's because it's uncharted territory for me. i'm not nervous about being married or getting married or interesting new things i'll have to wear. i'm not nervous about the honeymoon, living away from home, or being on my own for the first time in my life. i just want it to be here. this summer is holding many changes for me that i wonder...i wonder if i'll be the same at the end of the summer as i am now.
Oregon
16 hours in a car with five other people is craaaazy. but the drive was well worth it. 
The portland temple is pretty much in the forest. Also, a poor young uncle was left to care for his 2 year old niece Lucy who obviously did not like boys very much. She did, however, take a liking to me.
She climbed up the bench and into my arms she stayed until she fell asleep.
The portland temple is pretty much in the forest. Also, a poor young uncle was left to care for his 2 year old niece Lucy who obviously did not like boys very much. She did, however, take a liking to me.She climbed up the bench and into my arms she stayed until she fell asleep.
only in dreams
so i had this crazy dream last night about my neighbors who moved to pennsylvania a few years ago. i used to babysit for their two kids almost weekly and i loved it. angie was the sweetest lady, and we always had heart to hearts. her husband travelled a lot, so when she went out or had things to do she'd call me over to watch cameron and ellie. they were funny too, always calling me silly english names that they learned from their dad (angie met mark in england when she was abroad for school).
in my dream, however, i was putting ellie to bed and for some reason i changed into a nightgown. mark came home and we started talking and all of the sudden he was conan o brien but still mark...and he was telling me about the book of mormon and how he believed it was true. angie came home too and she was saying the same thing. it was really really weird.
in my dream, however, i was putting ellie to bed and for some reason i changed into a nightgown. mark came home and we started talking and all of the sudden he was conan o brien but still mark...and he was telling me about the book of mormon and how he believed it was true. angie came home too and she was saying the same thing. it was really really weird.
time
last week went quickly and all of the sudden it was friday. i wasn't feeling very well at work and i planned to just go home and get into bed, but david was done with work so i surprised him by meeting him at the apartment. we went to yorba linda to take the pump in to get fixed, had some late lunch, picked the pump back up and headed home in traffic. i had my dress fitting at 7 but we decided to head to la verne earlier to get it done. david and remy came, but david waited down stairs. my dress is in 4 pieces now...the torso to knee section, the knee to floor section, the shirtish section and the sleeves section. i had to put each piece on inside out and have andrea pin in places that needed to be let out or in. it looks so beautiful already. she's also working on my bridesmaid's dresses which are in lots and lots of pieces, but it seems like they'll be just what i want them to.
david and i have given ourselves over six months to plan the wedding but every day i want more time. it looks like we might even have to move it back a month to september to allow time for the reception place (our friend's backyard) to be finished. i visted there on saturday and its a huge hill of dirt. only the top layer has to be finished for our reception but a lot of things have to be done before it can be completed. everyone is stressing out. the biggest problem with moving the wedding is if we would be able to move our photographer and caterer to the same date a month later. i've been getting headaches every day.
this weekend we're driving up to oregon for my cousin carlie's wedding. i'm so proud of her...her and daniel are getting married in the temple. none of their parents will be attending the ceremony. i cannot imagine myself being so strong. i'm so excited to see her, i haven't in a few years. she's so great!
david and i have given ourselves over six months to plan the wedding but every day i want more time. it looks like we might even have to move it back a month to september to allow time for the reception place (our friend's backyard) to be finished. i visted there on saturday and its a huge hill of dirt. only the top layer has to be finished for our reception but a lot of things have to be done before it can be completed. everyone is stressing out. the biggest problem with moving the wedding is if we would be able to move our photographer and caterer to the same date a month later. i've been getting headaches every day.
this weekend we're driving up to oregon for my cousin carlie's wedding. i'm so proud of her...her and daniel are getting married in the temple. none of their parents will be attending the ceremony. i cannot imagine myself being so strong. i'm so excited to see her, i haven't in a few years. she's so great!
seventy something
Today I feel more ready for the temple than I ever have before. Sometimes I get worried that I'm too young and marriage has been kind of what's just going to happen to us. But today, I feel good. I have my dress fitting on Friday. I'm not sure how put together it is (it's being made from scratch) but just to even see it slightly formed will be amazing. It is my dream dress. I couldn't have imagined anything better. I can't wait.
tension headache
stressed, i am. for many, many reasons.
i have a ridiculously long torso.
but that's not why i'm stressed.
i have a ridiculously long torso.
but that's not why i'm stressed.
my brilliant idea
so i've decided to change something. instead of writing in this little journal to no one specific, i've decided to turn it into a letter kind of thing. so i'm going to write to blake...
dear blake,
i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.
dear blake,
i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.
lovely day
in an attempt to lose the chub, i'm eating subway for lunch. because its yum and better for me than del taco.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.
earth below us
Garrett comes home today. i cannot wait to hear his voice. two years is a long time. i honestly hope that he lives here instead of utah.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner...it's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner...it's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.
BLAKE
Sunday was mother's day and i didnt spend any of it with my own mother. we had planned to go up the hill to spend it at dave and carolyn's because blake was calling going to call after church. when david called me and told me that i would get to speak to blake my little heart skipped a beat. i've never missed a missionary as much as i do him, he's my best friend. there's no one like blake. when he was on speakerphone and we started to talk to him, dustin said something. when i started talking to him he went "natalie?!" the phone then got passed around and when it was my turn, my heart was beating hard and i got all hot. he said he was so excited that i was going to "join the club" and i said "the fenn club?" and we laughed. i told him i was sorry that we couldn't wait until he got home to get married and he said to do what we needed to, that things would be great when he got home. then he told me to keep reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and pretty much bore his testimony to me (i never get sick of hearing testimonies, especially boy's testimonies and especially his). he's such a little sweetheart.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
i love fenn.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
i love fenn.
the weak pear
i love ice cream. do you think that's why i'm a walking pear?
plan:
lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.
how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.
results:
slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.
plan:
lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.
how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.
results:
slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.
sylvia knows what's up.
so ridiculously, terribly, endlessly bored at work. was reading through old blogs and found my beloved sylvia quotes that i had posted forever ago.
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)
itchy
i have friends but they're not like they used to be, you know? like their old selves. they're doing their own thing. i kind of hate it.
but david is all i need so i'm good.
within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?
but david is all i need so i'm good.
within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?
snack
i'm so tired i feel like dropping my business law class. we've missed the last two weeks and a test, which we'll have to make up tonight. i'm scared.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.
ideally
the other day i was looking up something, i forget now what it was, but somehow i came across a website about old disneyland. i'm talking about the disneyland that was brand-new, that my dad went to when he was a child (probably only one time since they were incredibly, shoeless-in-the-summer poor), that held a few rides and a book of tickets that got you on to each ride like a carnival. on this website i fingered through photos of this heartwarming place that held dress-wearing mom's and daughters and collared-shirt wearing father's and sons. it made me jealous for that time! it seemed magical, it brough back feelings of how i pictured disneyland when i was younger. it felt good.
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.
weird...
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.
weird...
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