handmade
i really would like to have my own little etsy shop but i dont know what i could possibly make/sell on there. i can kind of crochet. i can kind of sew. what could i sell?
the old me
my hair is finally starting to get long. i'm excited for days when i'll have it flowing again...
i'm still not what i want to be. still discovering myself. looking at old pictures of me helps
i'm still not what i want to be. still discovering myself. looking at old pictures of me helps
light
i think i need to live in california so that i'll always have enough natural light in my home to take pictures of things
goals
goals for the next two months:
make an amazing gingerbread house, entirely from scratch
go to hawaii or some place awesome
make an amazing gingerbread house, entirely from scratch
go to hawaii or some place awesome
first there is a mountain
having my family here was great but also stressful. i'm so used to it being just the two of us now.
remember when i used to write about how great it would be when we were married? now all i want to write about is how great it will be when we have a baby. i wonder if someday i'll be writing about how great it will be when our kids are grown up and gone, so we're alone again?
remember when i used to write about how great it would be when we were married? now all i want to write about is how great it will be when we have a baby. i wonder if someday i'll be writing about how great it will be when our kids are grown up and gone, so we're alone again?
iron chef
last night i was watching iron chef america, thanksgiving showdown. they had a lot of food items to choose from, and one of them was duck. there were a bunch of dead ducks with feathers still on and their little eyes closed so peaceful in this bowl for the competitors to pick from and cook. for some reason (probably/definitely PMS) every time it showed those ducks i had to close my eyes so i couldn't see their sad little faces and avoid breaking into tears.
thanks, dr. laura
dr. laura's blog inspires me every time i see a new post from her. this one is about child care. here are my thoughts.
now, i'm sure we all wonder why me, the person who loves babies more than anything in the whole world, doesn't have one. today while reading dr. laura's blog, it reminded me why, again, i am childless.
when i was in kindergarten we'd all line up after class to wait for our parents to come pick us up. we sang this little song about saying goodbye to the teacher and goodbye to the boys and goodbye to the girls. then we said 'goodbye daycare kids'...while they walked off to daycare for the rest of the day. i always felt bad for those kids. i was about to get picked up by my mom who would bring me home so i could play with my brothers.
so, maybe at 5 years old i decided that i wouldn't ever do that to my kids. i'm not saying that daycare is torture. i just think if i'm going to go through the effort to have a child i'm going to wait until i'm sure tha ti'm at the point where i can be there to take care of it.
now, i'm sure we all wonder why me, the person who loves babies more than anything in the whole world, doesn't have one. today while reading dr. laura's blog, it reminded me why, again, i am childless.
when i was in kindergarten we'd all line up after class to wait for our parents to come pick us up. we sang this little song about saying goodbye to the teacher and goodbye to the boys and goodbye to the girls. then we said 'goodbye daycare kids'...while they walked off to daycare for the rest of the day. i always felt bad for those kids. i was about to get picked up by my mom who would bring me home so i could play with my brothers.
so, maybe at 5 years old i decided that i wouldn't ever do that to my kids. i'm not saying that daycare is torture. i just think if i'm going to go through the effort to have a child i'm going to wait until i'm sure tha ti'm at the point where i can be there to take care of it.
ants
if i lived in the big woods, would i not ever have to talk to a customer again? if i lived off of the land and worked it, raising my own animals and smoking my own meat, growing my own vegetables, could i just depend on myself? i guess going to town to buy fabric for my clothes would be unavoidable. remember before when we felt like this so we quit our jobs and moved to the mountain? we're back at square one. i thought we'd come so far.
a wee bit of a crush
so i have this thing for irish guys. i dont know what it is, i just really really like their accents. today i talked to someone who was irish on the phone and i couldn't get enough! it sounds strange and yes, i know i'm married but hey, i can't help it! besides, david has a thing for goodlooking girls, so i think we're even :)
little house
i seriously want to go far far away
and i want to milk my own cow and sew my own clothes and worry about making dinner for my husband when he gets back from plowing the field
my skirt is swishing on the hardwood floor, hand laid by us. my homemade bread recipe is perfected, the hand churned butter is nice and cool from being in the cellar. my husband comes in smelling of pine from a day of chopping wood. simplicity.
i should have been laura ingalls wilder for halloween. then my dreams could have been slightly more real!
and i want to milk my own cow and sew my own clothes and worry about making dinner for my husband when he gets back from plowing the field
my skirt is swishing on the hardwood floor, hand laid by us. my homemade bread recipe is perfected, the hand churned butter is nice and cool from being in the cellar. my husband comes in smelling of pine from a day of chopping wood. simplicity.
i should have been laura ingalls wilder for halloween. then my dreams could have been slightly more real!
even if it never gets better
we're still in limbo. but the thought of ca is nice...very nice. i really want a dog and we're definitely getting one next time we move.
also, i'm taking a photo class tomorrow. i'm really excited, kind of nervous, but i know it will make me more confident in my skills.
also, i'm taking a photo class tomorrow. i'm really excited, kind of nervous, but i know it will make me more confident in my skills.
boy's shirts
today i'm wearing a shirt i bought when david and i were dating...its from a thrift store and it's from the little boy's section. it barely fits... when i say barely i mean that it's kind of cutting my chest in half. but i still like it.
me
every single day i struggle with liking myself. i mean, i like myself. but not as much as i could. and it's most likely because i know i'm not being as nice as i should or as caring as i should. therefore, people probably don't like me as much as they could. i think about it. i want to be different. i think about it a lot.
babes
i make the mistake of watching a baby story and bringing home baby every day at lunch. why do i do this to myself?
canon
what do i want for christmas? a new camera. a bigger, better one. and lenses. i want to get better at what i do. because i love it.
little house
i think right now i'd rather be on the prairie. i'd rather be doing dishes or sewing a dress or dipping my feet in a cool creek. i was born in the wrong time.
i could bake bread all day and feed my husband lunch when he takes a break from plowing the fields.
i could bake bread all day and feed my husband lunch when he takes a break from plowing the fields.
rolls
the good news is after only two attempts ive made really really good rolls with mom's recipe. I thought it would take me forever to learn but i took my time last night and made sure everything looked right before baking. david says they're just as good as hers :)
falling into winter
i just saw on the weather report a chance of snow this weekend. it's october 7th! this place is insane. now i'm worrying about what i need to keep myself warm.
i'll probably need some dress socks since all we have are white ones. i have boots and my clarks. i have a scarf. a have some jackets and coats. maybe i'll need some long sleeve shirts and possibly a longish coat for church. probably tights. do i have mittens? i have hats. hopefully that's all i need.
also. david isn't sure about our next move. we're stressing about school because he has three years left. we moved here because we thought it would be easier for him to finish, but he still hasn't gotten in which means we can't get student loans. would it be easier to just finish his english degree in ca? do i WANT to move back to ca? this has been on my mind for nearly a week and i've never felt so ambivalent about my situation. and my future. i honestly just don't know.
i'll probably need some dress socks since all we have are white ones. i have boots and my clarks. i have a scarf. a have some jackets and coats. maybe i'll need some long sleeve shirts and possibly a longish coat for church. probably tights. do i have mittens? i have hats. hopefully that's all i need.
also. david isn't sure about our next move. we're stressing about school because he has three years left. we moved here because we thought it would be easier for him to finish, but he still hasn't gotten in which means we can't get student loans. would it be easier to just finish his english degree in ca? do i WANT to move back to ca? this has been on my mind for nearly a week and i've never felt so ambivalent about my situation. and my future. i honestly just don't know.
fall
it's here! the summer felt like it went really fast but i dont even care. the feeling of cold nights and cool days makes my heart jump at the thought of the holidays which are on their way here. i wish i had gotten married in the fall...an orange boquet...apple cider...the leaves changing. the air just smells good.
nothing beats the feeling of fall.
nothing beats the feeling of fall.
back to school
david is going to school again, and i long to be there too! i want to be in school so that i'm working towards finishing it so i can have a job that i love. my job right now is fine, but i want to be doing something that i've learned how to do beforehand.
i want to edit, i want to research, i want to...maybe teach.
i want to edit, i want to research, i want to...maybe teach.
autumn
i just realized today that summer is over. yesterday it stormed like nothing i've ever seen and boy, was i excited. i loooove rain and thunderstorms. this morning it was very, very cold and i enjoyed it. but i just looked at my barely tan, freckly arm and realized...i didn't even get a chance to get tan this summer and now fall is here. oh well. i'll cover my white arms with coats and my neck with my london scarf.
baby love
being at this job makes me want to finish school so badly. or have a baby. jkjk a baby doesn't solve anything. half of the time i feel like it would complete me...having a baby, that is. and the other half of the time i'm scared out of my mind or annoyed at the thought of a crying baby.
i'm 22 years old i have the rest of my life to have children. except that after age 35 the risks double for chromosome issues and whatnot so that never sounds too exciting.
i'm 22 years old i have the rest of my life to have children. except that after age 35 the risks double for chromosome issues and whatnot so that never sounds too exciting.
true love dont love like anybody else
i feel like once i got married, all my self control went out the window. sometimes i think that everything i worked so hard for had come to me, so maybe i didn't need to try for anything anymore. obviously that's wrong.
kari suggested that i get back to my roots by listening to old music. i want to do all of the things i used to. i can't dwell on the past and keep thinking that things were so much better then, because things were simply different and you can't force anything to be a certain way if it's not.
yesterday i had some down time so i decided to check out old messages that were sent between me and my love oh so long ago. we are awesome! if there's something i can be proud of, it's our love. its so crazy to think of how we were and how we are.
he takes care of me even when i'm in a bad mood, he wants me to be happy
and i know we'll be able to tackle anything because we know each other well
kari suggested that i get back to my roots by listening to old music. i want to do all of the things i used to. i can't dwell on the past and keep thinking that things were so much better then, because things were simply different and you can't force anything to be a certain way if it's not.
yesterday i had some down time so i decided to check out old messages that were sent between me and my love oh so long ago. we are awesome! if there's something i can be proud of, it's our love. its so crazy to think of how we were and how we are.
he takes care of me even when i'm in a bad mood, he wants me to be happy
and i know we'll be able to tackle anything because we know each other well
notebook revisited
Love is REAL and LOVELY and just as good as in the notebook. I have it, and so do they in real life.
virtuous
"TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation."
"SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation."
"ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."
"RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."
"FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing."
"INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."
"SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly."
"JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty."
"MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."
"CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation."
"TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."
"CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."
"HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates."
"SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation."
"ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time."
"RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."
"FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing."
"INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions."
"SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly."
"JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty."
"MODERATION. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve."
"CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation."
"TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable."
"CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation."
"HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates."
daydream
maybe i feel like i need to stop dreaming now that the things i dreamt about have come to pass.
last night it stormed and we sat on the porch and enjoyed it. i still need to find myself and i'm working on it but shouldn't it come more easily? i got way off track so now i'm trying to get back on.
ugh, why can't i dream anymore?
last night it stormed and we sat on the porch and enjoyed it. i still need to find myself and i'm working on it but shouldn't it come more easily? i got way off track so now i'm trying to get back on.
ugh, why can't i dream anymore?
beehive state
david:"did you like garden state?"
me:"yeah. it's one of your favorites, right?"
"well, it's not as relevant to my life anymore."
"it WAS relevant at some point, though, right?"
"well, not the drug stuff. but the 'finding yourself' part was."
"and it's not anymore?"
"well, i found you."
in all seriousness...my life could be a movie.
me:"yeah. it's one of your favorites, right?"
"well, it's not as relevant to my life anymore."
"it WAS relevant at some point, though, right?"
"well, not the drug stuff. but the 'finding yourself' part was."
"and it's not anymore?"
"well, i found you."
in all seriousness...my life could be a movie.
summer
the last three summers of my life have been spent on a beautiful lake in the mountains that i could visit at least once a week. now that i'm far away i feel like i never took true advantage of the scenery or the sunshine. there are lakes here, true, but we have no boat, no dock, no pine trees! lake arrowhead and i have had our struggles, but one of them was definitely never with the lake or its surroundings.
Goals
I'm going to do 101 goals in 1001 days. I'm just going to make it a giant post and add to it for the next few days until it's full.
Also, As of now I only have 67 goals so I'll add more as they come to mind. I need to configure the end date.
Educated Me:
[Take a photography class]
Take another photo class
Always be working on a leisure book
Look up words I don't know and keep a list
taken/taking a semester toward graduating (english, linguistics, nutriton or photo)
take a cooking class...williams sonoma maybe?
6
Mommy Me:
Make my baby shower gifts
Make at least 1 quilt
2
Creative Me:
[Sew pillows for living room]
Sew pillows for bedroom
Fill 2 scrapbooks
Cook one new meal a month
[Learn how to make bread like mom]
Learn 3 songs on the guitar
Write in my journal/blog once a week
Send christmas cards
Make 1 present/year for david
[Re-upholster our headboard]
[make a shadow box for david's army things]
make a shadow box for david's mission things
make up 5 original recipes
[decorate] & frame my willow poem
design a baby's room
[learn how to crochet]
learn how to knit
master a strawberry tart
learn how to make sushi
learn how to make 3 french entrees
17
Frugal/Environmental Me:
Plant an herb garden
Add to my food storage
get a trashcan for recycling
create and keep a budget
[move to a house with cheaper rent]
learn how to use coupons
3
Clean Me:
Do dishes every week night for at least two weeks
Vacuum under furniture (bed, couch, tv) every 6 months
2
Spiritual Me:
Read the book of mormon
Read the new testament
Read doctrine and covenants
Bear my testimony in sacrament meeting
Visit the temple once a month
visit [provo], salt lake, mount timp and manti temples
Find my patriarchal blessing and read it every sunday
read scriptures every night
8
Healthy Me:
Lose at least five pounds and keep it off
[Get a new tire for my bike]
Start including more organic products in our diet until we're 75% organic
Be able to run 2 miles without stopping or dying
Get floss helpers and floss regularly
Spend saturdays outside during summer months
eat healthier
7
Adventurous Me:
Go camping at least 3 times .2.
[buy another sleeping bag]
[go to the hogle zoo]
[visit the salt flats]
learn how to ride the scooter
hike to the Y
catch a fish
tube down the canyon
go to the aquarium
go to yellowstone
[visit mount rushmore]
10
Pretty Me:
grow out my hair....don't chop it off again
Use an entire box of crest whitestrips
Wear my retainer once a week...for at least 2 months
get a facial every six months
[buy a really expensive coat]
5
Organized Me:
Put all photos on the computer & discs
Create a filing system for bills, documents, etc.
go through old clothes, books, etc.
[buy & set up a desk]
4
Sophisticated Me:
Visit another country (canada, central america)
Visit Colorado
[visit Wyoming]
[visit Idaho]
[visit south dakota]
visit Hawaii
mexico trip
Add to my photography portfolio
spend an entire day exploring salt lake
8
67
Also, As of now I only have 67 goals so I'll add more as they come to mind. I need to configure the end date.
Educated Me:
[Take a photography class]
Take another photo class
Always be working on a leisure book
Look up words I don't know and keep a list
taken/taking a semester toward graduating (english, linguistics, nutriton or photo)
take a cooking class...williams sonoma maybe?
6
Mommy Me:
Make my baby shower gifts
Make at least 1 quilt
2
Creative Me:
[Sew pillows for living room]
Sew pillows for bedroom
Fill 2 scrapbooks
Cook one new meal a month
[Learn how to make bread like mom]
Learn 3 songs on the guitar
Write in my journal/blog once a week
Send christmas cards
Make 1 present/year for david
[Re-upholster our headboard]
[make a shadow box for david's army things]
make a shadow box for david's mission things
make up 5 original recipes
[decorate] & frame my willow poem
design a baby's room
[learn how to crochet]
learn how to knit
master a strawberry tart
learn how to make sushi
learn how to make 3 french entrees
17
Frugal/Environmental Me:
Plant an herb garden
Add to my food storage
get a trashcan for recycling
create and keep a budget
[move to a house with cheaper rent]
learn how to use coupons
3
Clean Me:
Do dishes every week night for at least two weeks
Vacuum under furniture (bed, couch, tv) every 6 months
2
Spiritual Me:
Read the book of mormon
Read the new testament
Read doctrine and covenants
Bear my testimony in sacrament meeting
Visit the temple once a month
visit [provo], salt lake, mount timp and manti temples
Find my patriarchal blessing and read it every sunday
read scriptures every night
8
Healthy Me:
Lose at least five pounds and keep it off
[Get a new tire for my bike]
Start including more organic products in our diet until we're 75% organic
Be able to run 2 miles without stopping or dying
Get floss helpers and floss regularly
Spend saturdays outside during summer months
eat healthier
7
Adventurous Me:
Go camping at least 3 times .2.
[buy another sleeping bag]
[go to the hogle zoo]
[visit the salt flats]
learn how to ride the scooter
hike to the Y
catch a fish
tube down the canyon
go to the aquarium
go to yellowstone
[visit mount rushmore]
10
Pretty Me:
grow out my hair....don't chop it off again
Use an entire box of crest whitestrips
Wear my retainer once a week...for at least 2 months
get a facial every six months
[buy a really expensive coat]
5
Organized Me:
Put all photos on the computer & discs
Create a filing system for bills, documents, etc.
go through old clothes, books, etc.
[buy & set up a desk]
4
Sophisticated Me:
Visit another country (canada, central america)
Visit Colorado
[visit Wyoming]
[visit Idaho]
[visit south dakota]
visit Hawaii
mexico trip
Add to my photography portfolio
spend an entire day exploring salt lake
8
67
aches
can i just say that i am probably healthier than i've ever been. gym trips are not as dreaded as they seemed they'd be. plus, this achy-ness is reassuring.
fotos
we have the most comfortable bed i've ever slept in. it's absolutely amazing. this morning the last thing my body wanted to do was get out of it.
today we're doing a little photoshoot of the avarells. it'll be good practice for the wedding that's coming up. maybe this will spark more creativity in us.
today we're doing a little photoshoot of the avarells. it'll be good practice for the wedding that's coming up. maybe this will spark more creativity in us.
plans
david came and visited me (and curtis) at work.
i'm making plans for this weekend:
finish sewing curtains and/or pillows.
find passport
buy washer/dryer
relax!
i like to make lists, i always have. i made one over the last week of things i love so here it is:
peach lemonade
babies
waking up on my own
black and white photos
having a flat stomach
video chatting
completely unpacking a box
finding a dress that's long enough
taking a bath
piles of folded, clean laundry
when a band sounds better live
being pregnant on sims
knowing i don't need to have my phone with me to feel comfortable
coming home to a clean house
flower shops
having a job that i enjoy
knowing where i'll be every sunday for the rest of my life
having a gym pass
reading emma for the 10th time
thinking about my wedding day
daydreaming and pretending i'm laura ingalls wilder
thinking about the things i'll teach my kids
seven brides for seven brothers
taking hours to make dinner
you have bewitched me, body and soul
re-reading this blog and realizing that i am clever and i do like myself. i just need to always be that way.
i'm making plans for this weekend:
finish sewing curtains and/or pillows.
find passport
buy washer/dryer
relax!
i like to make lists, i always have. i made one over the last week of things i love so here it is:
peach lemonade
babies
waking up on my own
black and white photos
having a flat stomach
video chatting
completely unpacking a box
finding a dress that's long enough
taking a bath
piles of folded, clean laundry
when a band sounds better live
being pregnant on sims
knowing i don't need to have my phone with me to feel comfortable
coming home to a clean house
flower shops
having a job that i enjoy
knowing where i'll be every sunday for the rest of my life
having a gym pass
reading emma for the 10th time
thinking about my wedding day
daydreaming and pretending i'm laura ingalls wilder
thinking about the things i'll teach my kids
seven brides for seven brothers
taking hours to make dinner
you have bewitched me, body and soul
re-reading this blog and realizing that i am clever and i do like myself. i just need to always be that way.
LOVE
i haven't written in this blog in a long time and i don't know if anyone even reads it anymore but suddenly i'm inclined to start up again. what kind of sparked my thoughts, besides actually being employed in a normal job again, was going through david's mission and junk boxes. we looked at mission pictures for a while and he continued to go through the rest of the boxes after i'd gone to bed. this morning in the trash pile i found a pink piece of paper folded into an envelope saying "thanks for the best week ever." inside was a pile of pictures of david and a girl he dated while he was at byu hawaii. he had flown her out there for a week during the semester.
ok, so i'd seen plenty of pictures of them together and of him with other girls but for some reason this time it was different. don't think that i was upset or anything for him still having these pictures- i don't expect him to get rid of anything from his past if he doesn't want to. but something happened as i went through them. i think i was jealous! jealous of how happy he looked and wondering if i make him that happy? and the weird thing is that i've always prided us in our lack of jealousy in our relationship.
so anyway, i'm not upset or bugged by this, i was just surprised how it affected me. and i'm glad about it anyway because it is like a reminder that things should always be good and the bad is fleeting. that we can get through anything (we already pretty much have) and we can enjoy and love eachother in all circumstances. i need to be more positive.
-i LOVE that my husband went on a mission, got hurt, came home and went back out 14 months later. that is him. he's amazing.
-i LOVE that he's ALWAYS in a good mood.
-i LOVE that he is willing to have fun in any situation.
most of all i love that he married me and he believes in me and never gives up on me even when i'm frustrating.
ok, so i'd seen plenty of pictures of them together and of him with other girls but for some reason this time it was different. don't think that i was upset or anything for him still having these pictures- i don't expect him to get rid of anything from his past if he doesn't want to. but something happened as i went through them. i think i was jealous! jealous of how happy he looked and wondering if i make him that happy? and the weird thing is that i've always prided us in our lack of jealousy in our relationship.
so anyway, i'm not upset or bugged by this, i was just surprised how it affected me. and i'm glad about it anyway because it is like a reminder that things should always be good and the bad is fleeting. that we can get through anything (we already pretty much have) and we can enjoy and love eachother in all circumstances. i need to be more positive.
-i LOVE that my husband went on a mission, got hurt, came home and went back out 14 months later. that is him. he's amazing.
-i LOVE that he's ALWAYS in a good mood.
-i LOVE that he is willing to have fun in any situation.
most of all i love that he married me and he believes in me and never gives up on me even when i'm frustrating.
My birthday weekend
Now that we uploaded our pictures from the camera to the computer i can post some of them. These are from our weekend in San Diego. We stayed at the Hyatt in Seaport Village the 23 & 24th of June. It was a ton of fun, since it was our first vacation alone together since our honeymoon. We got there Saturday afternoon and walked around near the ocean. Here's a picture of David in front of the huge ship-
On Sunday we went to breakfast at this awesome mexican place in old town. Then we decided to head over to Cabrillo to see the tide pools and lighthouse.
On Sunday we went to breakfast at this awesome mexican place in old town. Then we decided to head over to Cabrillo to see the tide pools and lighthouse.
us
so, it seems as though a lot of people are having their little blogs for letting their families know what's going on in their lives- so i've decided to kind of combine david's and mine together, since he never goes on his anyway. what have we been up to? well, it's been nearly 11 months since we got married. we're moving to a new little rental house soon in the villas here in lake arrowhead that we are VERY excited about. it's a little three bedroom that was just completely remodeled and we love it! we'll be moving in on august 15th and i've already started packing- i can't wait! david is busy building his first house on his own. he's also working towards getting his contractor's license. we're both planning on taking classes this fall at crafton hills college. for the most part we have fun while we're doing all the things we need to everyday-
be here now
haha, it's been three months! good thing no one reads thisssss. so i've been searching for a job pretty much since we moved up here. i've been on plenty of interviews but nothing is seeming to come of it. this morning i was checking my myspace and i noticed that one of my old jobs that my friend had taken when i had quit was going to be available again because she's quitting now...this is ideal, let me tell you. i've been bored out of my mind and been in need of a little spending money and jus something to do. it's perfect! she hasn't emailed me back yet but hopefully she will soon, and with happy news. last night we made homemade cafe rio deliciousness, including homemade tomatillo and cilantro-lime rice. i love food, and i love cooking even more. and as for now, my musical selection includes a lot of bee gees and barry white. and mason, of course.
and we got a new camera...a cannon! still not my dream slr but still a dang good camera anyway. photo posts to come soon.
and we got a new camera...a cannon! still not my dream slr but still a dang good camera anyway. photo posts to come soon.
people are angry
listening to the shins is like having a really really good dream, and then turning it off is like waking up. every time i listen to the shins i think, "yeah, definitely one of my favorite bands". soooo...we're nearly moved in to our new place. living downstairs from your in-laws is an interesting thing, but i'm sure it's gonna work out. well i guess it has to because we're in a one year lease.
im also trying to keep busy getting ready for gourmet girls. it's nice to have something to do. i'm also planning on taking photograpy and american sign language this coming semester at rcc. i'm excited that i'm going to be back in school.david and i bought our first printer ever at best buy with some gift cards we got for christmas and i'm having fun printing out wedding pictures.
this is one of my favorites.
im also trying to keep busy getting ready for gourmet girls. it's nice to have something to do. i'm also planning on taking photograpy and american sign language this coming semester at rcc. i'm excited that i'm going to be back in school.david and i bought our first printer ever at best buy with some gift cards we got for christmas and i'm having fun printing out wedding pictures.
this is one of my favorites.
haircuts
so, i did it. finally! i cut off my hair. i had no idea what i wanted to do cut-wise, so i picked a picture and showed the scissor-holder and she cut it all off. its very very short compared to how long it was! i'm still getting used to it.
we're going to move again...out of this house. its too cold and we can't get it above 60 degrees upstairs. plus our landlords are a bit crazy. david's going to do some calling tomorrow. tonight we came down to my parent's house and went out to dinner, played some sequence (a card/board game), and looked through my baby box. i'm so excited that my mom saved some of my baby shoes. mine and remy's baby blessing dress is in there. i'm so excited because i didn't know that we still had it. it's white with little pink rosebuds all over it with a little matching bonnet. there's also a little tiny pink bathing suit with a duck on it.
tomorrow we're helping my mom out with a gourmet girls thing and making a little money doing that. we're also doing that next weekend. tomorrow night is our ward christmas party which should be fun because most likely kollin and brean and glen and kari will be there which means good company with younger couples from the ward and a good chance that i'll get to hold baby kourtney some of the night!
as for now, i'm going to try to sleep in a place other than my house which i'm not used to doing anymore.
p.s. we're still incredibly poor as i am still jobless.
but we're happy and that's really all that matters.
we're going to move again...out of this house. its too cold and we can't get it above 60 degrees upstairs. plus our landlords are a bit crazy. david's going to do some calling tomorrow. tonight we came down to my parent's house and went out to dinner, played some sequence (a card/board game), and looked through my baby box. i'm so excited that my mom saved some of my baby shoes. mine and remy's baby blessing dress is in there. i'm so excited because i didn't know that we still had it. it's white with little pink rosebuds all over it with a little matching bonnet. there's also a little tiny pink bathing suit with a duck on it.
tomorrow we're helping my mom out with a gourmet girls thing and making a little money doing that. we're also doing that next weekend. tomorrow night is our ward christmas party which should be fun because most likely kollin and brean and glen and kari will be there which means good company with younger couples from the ward and a good chance that i'll get to hold baby kourtney some of the night!
as for now, i'm going to try to sleep in a place other than my house which i'm not used to doing anymore.
p.s. we're still incredibly poor as i am still jobless.
but we're happy and that's really all that matters.
updates
alright so, internet is rarely working at this place which means i spend about 6 hours a day watching food network. as for now, i'm still jobless but it's alright. david is loving working with his hands again, i can tell, because he comes home with sap all over 'em every day. on wednesday he came home with sap in his hair! poor kid.
we're very excited about moving into our own place again, but very grateful to john and jean for letting us stay here for three weeks. tonight we're planning on staying at the apartment and packing up as much as possible, and visiting with my family since we haven't seen them in so long.
last night we had a little barbeque at dustin's and chelsea's where i finally got to hold chloe! that girl sure does like her sleep. david took some really great pictures of her last week but we haven't uploaded them yet. we're both hoping for a super great camera for christmas, that way we can capture chloe at her cutest.
we're very excited about moving into our own place again, but very grateful to john and jean for letting us stay here for three weeks. tonight we're planning on staying at the apartment and packing up as much as possible, and visiting with my family since we haven't seen them in so long.
last night we had a little barbeque at dustin's and chelsea's where i finally got to hold chloe! that girl sure does like her sleep. david took some really great pictures of her last week but we haven't uploaded them yet. we're both hoping for a super great camera for christmas, that way we can capture chloe at her cutest.
the times they are
a-changin'
this weekend we move ourselves and a few things to david's parent's house for a few weeks until we can move into our new little house. david's getting a truck today, hopefully, and we'll be all set (regardless of the fact that we have negative money).
next week i'll be commuting down the hill for my last week here at work. my job hunt continues. i'm trying to find one where a giant saint bernard won't nudge me while i'm typing. and where i won't have to work on sundays.
i've had mates of state stuck in my head for days. tomorrow is a girl's night but i'm not sure if i should go...am i still a "girl"? next week will be crazy. moving, driving, weddings, babies being born and making me an aunt! soon enough we'll be dressing her up in her little baby ugg boots. chloe, come out!
this weekend we move ourselves and a few things to david's parent's house for a few weeks until we can move into our new little house. david's getting a truck today, hopefully, and we'll be all set (regardless of the fact that we have negative money).
next week i'll be commuting down the hill for my last week here at work. my job hunt continues. i'm trying to find one where a giant saint bernard won't nudge me while i'm typing. and where i won't have to work on sundays.
i've had mates of state stuck in my head for days. tomorrow is a girl's night but i'm not sure if i should go...am i still a "girl"? next week will be crazy. moving, driving, weddings, babies being born and making me an aunt! soon enough we'll be dressing her up in her little baby ugg boots. chloe, come out!
sooner or later
david just called me and said that his uncle asked him to start working for him on monday. this is a great and exciting thing, and i can tell how happy david is about it. there are just a few problems...
1. david hasn't even mentioned to his work that he's planning on leaving. i KNOW he's going to call them today and say he's done. he hates his job right now. ok, i guess that isn't really a problem.
2. we told the owners of the house we want to rent that we couldn't move in until november 1. they did want us to move in asap, so maybe they'll give us the house.
3. i dont have a job yet.
4. i still have a job here and i told them i'd be here until around the end of october. can i just leave? should i stay here and keep looking for a job?
5. we only have one car as soon as david quits. we have to fix the window on my broken car, and sell it, then find a truck for david.
6. if we end up finding a car, quitting both of our jobs and me getting a new job, we might have to live with david's parents which is no big deal. or we could move into the yellow house, but we'll have to come up with about $2,000.
david's uncle offered him $17 an hour which is pretty nice. plus he'll be doing something he loves. this will work out somehow and i know it will be great. i really needed this. i've been so negative lately but the idea of being where we want so soon is making me happier by the second.
1. david hasn't even mentioned to his work that he's planning on leaving. i KNOW he's going to call them today and say he's done. he hates his job right now. ok, i guess that isn't really a problem.
2. we told the owners of the house we want to rent that we couldn't move in until november 1. they did want us to move in asap, so maybe they'll give us the house.
3. i dont have a job yet.
4. i still have a job here and i told them i'd be here until around the end of october. can i just leave? should i stay here and keep looking for a job?
5. we only have one car as soon as david quits. we have to fix the window on my broken car, and sell it, then find a truck for david.
6. if we end up finding a car, quitting both of our jobs and me getting a new job, we might have to live with david's parents which is no big deal. or we could move into the yellow house, but we'll have to come up with about $2,000.
david's uncle offered him $17 an hour which is pretty nice. plus he'll be doing something he loves. this will work out somehow and i know it will be great. i really needed this. i've been so negative lately but the idea of being where we want so soon is making me happier by the second.
the office
david and i bought the office, season two and watched the whole thing in a few days. all i wanted was for pam and jim to get together. i love this show! there is no way that you could not like it.
so this weekend was so busy, but it felt really long. on friday as soon as i got home from work (david had been home for hours because work is extremely slow right now) we left for up the mountain. after a little rosie's, i went to an interview at the ucla conference center that david's dad had set up for me. as soon as we walked in, the lady at the front desk took one look at david and said, "you've got to be john's son." it's so funny, this whole fenn thing. everyone looks alike and everyone knows a fenn. luckily, now that i'm a fenn, i get to reap the benefits. anyway, i met with her but it was downhill from there. she offered me the job, but it was only part time, 20 hrs a week, and anywhere from 7am to midnight, and every day of the week. i just can't work on sundays. so now i've continued my job search.
as for the house search, we drove around and looked at a couple. we picked up nathan and keith and went to check out a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom that was only $950 a month in Lake arrowhead. no one lived there and it was locked so david climbed over the railing and the slider just happened to be unlocked. this place was hilarious. it was all wood inside, tiny kitchen, and weird living room on the main floor and a full bath, up stairs was a big loft and another bathroom, downstairs was the master but it had no closet and a half bath. it was so strange. we checked out another one but we couldnt get in until the next day. it was nice, 3 bedroom 2 bath, wood floors and nice kitchen except that it didn't have central heating. no. way. we stayed up the whole weekend except for dustin and chelsea's baby shower. it was pretty fun. also, amanda came down and i didnt even know she was coming. on sunday we made a few more calls after church. david dialed one number for a 2 bedrom 1.5 bath that was near the golf course in lake arrowhead (nice area) and the lady answered the phone and said "john?". haha. i guess the lady is a principal at some school and knows david's parents. they came and showed us the house. HOUSE! it's on this amazing street thats nice and wide. the house is yellow with white trim, and has a picket fence on each side. it has a driveway! it has a big living room and decent sized kitchen, and two bedrooms. it has a deck off of the main floor and two little ones off of each bedroom. it has a laundry room! this place is amazing. it's $925 a month, which is $25 more than what we're paying now! i love it. the realtors said that they've had a few applications already but then they said that they talked about how much they loved the fenn family. so pretty much we'll probably get this house because we're fenns. score! now we just have to try to get out of our lease, or come up with $2400 in the month of october.
so this weekend was so busy, but it felt really long. on friday as soon as i got home from work (david had been home for hours because work is extremely slow right now) we left for up the mountain. after a little rosie's, i went to an interview at the ucla conference center that david's dad had set up for me. as soon as we walked in, the lady at the front desk took one look at david and said, "you've got to be john's son." it's so funny, this whole fenn thing. everyone looks alike and everyone knows a fenn. luckily, now that i'm a fenn, i get to reap the benefits. anyway, i met with her but it was downhill from there. she offered me the job, but it was only part time, 20 hrs a week, and anywhere from 7am to midnight, and every day of the week. i just can't work on sundays. so now i've continued my job search.
as for the house search, we drove around and looked at a couple. we picked up nathan and keith and went to check out a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom that was only $950 a month in Lake arrowhead. no one lived there and it was locked so david climbed over the railing and the slider just happened to be unlocked. this place was hilarious. it was all wood inside, tiny kitchen, and weird living room on the main floor and a full bath, up stairs was a big loft and another bathroom, downstairs was the master but it had no closet and a half bath. it was so strange. we checked out another one but we couldnt get in until the next day. it was nice, 3 bedroom 2 bath, wood floors and nice kitchen except that it didn't have central heating. no. way. we stayed up the whole weekend except for dustin and chelsea's baby shower. it was pretty fun. also, amanda came down and i didnt even know she was coming. on sunday we made a few more calls after church. david dialed one number for a 2 bedrom 1.5 bath that was near the golf course in lake arrowhead (nice area) and the lady answered the phone and said "john?". haha. i guess the lady is a principal at some school and knows david's parents. they came and showed us the house. HOUSE! it's on this amazing street thats nice and wide. the house is yellow with white trim, and has a picket fence on each side. it has a driveway! it has a big living room and decent sized kitchen, and two bedrooms. it has a deck off of the main floor and two little ones off of each bedroom. it has a laundry room! this place is amazing. it's $925 a month, which is $25 more than what we're paying now! i love it. the realtors said that they've had a few applications already but then they said that they talked about how much they loved the fenn family. so pretty much we'll probably get this house because we're fenns. score! now we just have to try to get out of our lease, or come up with $2400 in the month of october.
on the disco, right
my boss at work listens to disco in his office which just happens to be right next to mine. it's funny.
20 more minutes and i get to go home. the past few weeks have been really slow at work. it's nice to get home and have david there (even though he's usually sleeping on the couch instead of cleaning something). he brought me flowers today at work.
soon enough we'll be in the mountains and the smell of fall will be all around. it's going to be so strange to live in a new place. i'm excited for sweaters and fires!
20 more minutes and i get to go home. the past few weeks have been really slow at work. it's nice to get home and have david there (even though he's usually sleeping on the couch instead of cleaning something). he brought me flowers today at work.
soon enough we'll be in the mountains and the smell of fall will be all around. it's going to be so strange to live in a new place. i'm excited for sweaters and fires!
banjos
i really like the banjo. i really, really do.
i like to write in my blog at work because it takes up more time than i realize. and a lot of days i have nothing to do. so i've decided what i want to do with my life. i'm going to go to school to become a librarian. a librarian?! yes. i've wanted to be one since i was little, i would take all of our books and make little cards and check people in and out. when i told my mom that i wanted to be a librarian when i grew up, she said, "librarians don't make any money. they're only volunteers." so i just figured i'd find something else that i wanted to do. but i didn't.
until monday night when my cousin sarah said she's going to be a librarian. she said if you get your masters then you can be a librarian at a university's library. so i told everyone that that was what i was going to do too. so, like 6 more years of college until i can fulfill my dream, and it's not like anything is in my way of achieving this, like not going to school this semester, and david not being done with school, and me planning on having children or anything like that.
we'll see what happens. so, is this what it finally feels like to know what you want to do with your life? (other than be a wife, check. and be a mother, future check.)
i like to write in my blog at work because it takes up more time than i realize. and a lot of days i have nothing to do. so i've decided what i want to do with my life. i'm going to go to school to become a librarian. a librarian?! yes. i've wanted to be one since i was little, i would take all of our books and make little cards and check people in and out. when i told my mom that i wanted to be a librarian when i grew up, she said, "librarians don't make any money. they're only volunteers." so i just figured i'd find something else that i wanted to do. but i didn't.
until monday night when my cousin sarah said she's going to be a librarian. she said if you get your masters then you can be a librarian at a university's library. so i told everyone that that was what i was going to do too. so, like 6 more years of college until i can fulfill my dream, and it's not like anything is in my way of achieving this, like not going to school this semester, and david not being done with school, and me planning on having children or anything like that.
we'll see what happens. so, is this what it finally feels like to know what you want to do with your life? (other than be a wife, check. and be a mother, future check.)
just married
alright, kids, we did it! we're married. the entire day went so fast, yet so slowly at the same time. near the end, i just wanted it to be over so i could go to sleep (as you can imagine, that didnt happen) (actually, dont imagine it).
the day was beautiful, somehow the weather cooled down into the 80's just for my wedding because someone knew i couldnt handle taking pictures in the burning hot sun. the temple was amazing...it felt like forever sitting there, though, waiting to be married. our sealer told us he was sealed by joseph fielding smith 58 years earlier. so amazing! the best part of the whole day was holding david's hand, walking into the sealing room and seeing all of our friends and family sitting there, waiting for us. it was ridiculous. during the day i kept picturing that and every time, i got choked up again. then we were married!
our pictures are so crazy. i can't believe that we were lucky enough to find such great photographers. they are my favorite part of the whole wedding.
the reception is a blur and i barely remember anything, but i was so surprised that so many people came.
the honeymoon was fun, it was so nice to relax. but near the end i wanted to go home and start real life with my new husband! i'm so happy to be a fenn now, i love it. everything went better than i could have imagined. now we're just settling in, but trying to find a place in lake arrowhead or crestline so we can move and david can work at something he really wants to do, which is building houses. i'm skipping this semester of school since apparently classes already started. i'll work full time and so will david, and he'll go to school. things are going to just keep getting better, but they're so good now i can't even imagine. im so thankful for david because he takes such good care of me. life is sweet.
the day was beautiful, somehow the weather cooled down into the 80's just for my wedding because someone knew i couldnt handle taking pictures in the burning hot sun. the temple was amazing...it felt like forever sitting there, though, waiting to be married. our sealer told us he was sealed by joseph fielding smith 58 years earlier. so amazing! the best part of the whole day was holding david's hand, walking into the sealing room and seeing all of our friends and family sitting there, waiting for us. it was ridiculous. during the day i kept picturing that and every time, i got choked up again. then we were married!
our pictures are so crazy. i can't believe that we were lucky enough to find such great photographers. they are my favorite part of the whole wedding.
the reception is a blur and i barely remember anything, but i was so surprised that so many people came.
the honeymoon was fun, it was so nice to relax. but near the end i wanted to go home and start real life with my new husband! i'm so happy to be a fenn now, i love it. everything went better than i could have imagined. now we're just settling in, but trying to find a place in lake arrowhead or crestline so we can move and david can work at something he really wants to do, which is building houses. i'm skipping this semester of school since apparently classes already started. i'll work full time and so will david, and he'll go to school. things are going to just keep getting better, but they're so good now i can't even imagine. im so thankful for david because he takes such good care of me. life is sweet.
aww, peaches
alright folks, we're down to less than a week. this weekend was crazy, full of new experiences but i loved it. i dont know why i was ever worried.
today is my bridal shoot, which i am very excited for because david and i chose the best photographers imaginable. i dont like getting my picture taken but amelia just talks to you and makes you feel like you're having a semi-normal conversation. i'm having maleah do my hair and everything is planned out so it should be good!
dad and david hung lights in the backyard and we lit it up last night, after a drumroll (christmas vacation style) and it looked amazing. very romantic.
also just in, trevor has moved back home because he was living with his friend and that kid's mom, who was 6 months behind on her rent. so much for his "freedom".
Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
chew on that, little bro.
today is my bridal shoot, which i am very excited for because david and i chose the best photographers imaginable. i dont like getting my picture taken but amelia just talks to you and makes you feel like you're having a semi-normal conversation. i'm having maleah do my hair and everything is planned out so it should be good!
dad and david hung lights in the backyard and we lit it up last night, after a drumroll (christmas vacation style) and it looked amazing. very romantic.
also just in, trevor has moved back home because he was living with his friend and that kid's mom, who was 6 months behind on her rent. so much for his "freedom".
Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and call things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.
chew on that, little bro.
Journals
"I like his warmth and his being-there and his making jokes and stories and what he reads and how he shows his gladness for what I cook him and joy for when I make something, a poem or a cake, and how he is troubled when I am unhappy and wants to do anything so I can fight out my soul-battles and grow up with courage and a philosphical ease. I love his good smell and his body that fits with mine as if they were made in the same body-shop."
It's true. I do like these things, actually i love them and i can't wait to discover if all of these things are true when we're even closer than we are. (when we get our own bed peace and hair peace).
It's time to switch to SP's Journal again.
It's true. I do like these things, actually i love them and i can't wait to discover if all of these things are true when we're even closer than we are. (when we get our own bed peace and hair peace).
It's time to switch to SP's Journal again.
runaway bride
i'm so glad this weekend is over! it was wonderful, but sooo crazy. friday night we picked up amanda from the airport, after david, garen and i walked around victoria gardens and saw lady in the water. we decided to eat at fudruckers because everyone really likes it. mmm ranch and fries. i went home after because i was so tired. saturday morning i was planning on waking up at seven to do laundry but my mom woke me up before that because some fool had thrown a trash can at my car and it had shattered my back window. thanks, you retards who have no jobs or lives so you go around at night breaking people's things. so that was a nice way to start out the day of my bridal shower. i tried to push it away and got ready to pick hilary up from the airport. keiri came down early to go with us, and we all went to the dressmaker's house to have our dresses fitted. mines almost done, and every time i try it on i love it more and more. i'm so excited that i'm able to have my dream dress.
the shower was really fun, and nearly 50 people were there. we played a fun game and i opened presents FOREVER. it was so ridiculous. we got so much stuff! i was really thankful that david's family came. while we were at the shower, david, dustin and their dad were off golfing. it was kind of nice that they were gone, it gave me a chance to be with everyone. when we were loading up the presents, jordan and jasmin came home. i asked jasmin "what do you think is in there?" as i pointed to chelsea's little pregnant belly. "my ball" she replied.
saturday night i stayed at david's so me and amanda could bond. david went to bed early, so me and amanda talked for a while. we were sooo tired. i didnt sleep well because my back was hurting all night...vicodin didnt even help.
sunday we went to church, had bishops interview for our temple recommends, went home and ate fast, said goodbye to amanda, went to the patriarch's house and i got my patriarchal blessing, went to the stake center and had the stake president interview for our temple recommends. we got home and did some more invitations. and that, my friends, is what happens when you're getting married in three weeks. elope. no, seriously. elope.
the shower was really fun, and nearly 50 people were there. we played a fun game and i opened presents FOREVER. it was so ridiculous. we got so much stuff! i was really thankful that david's family came. while we were at the shower, david, dustin and their dad were off golfing. it was kind of nice that they were gone, it gave me a chance to be with everyone. when we were loading up the presents, jordan and jasmin came home. i asked jasmin "what do you think is in there?" as i pointed to chelsea's little pregnant belly. "my ball" she replied.
saturday night i stayed at david's so me and amanda could bond. david went to bed early, so me and amanda talked for a while. we were sooo tired. i didnt sleep well because my back was hurting all night...vicodin didnt even help.
sunday we went to church, had bishops interview for our temple recommends, went home and ate fast, said goodbye to amanda, went to the patriarch's house and i got my patriarchal blessing, went to the stake center and had the stake president interview for our temple recommends. we got home and did some more invitations. and that, my friends, is what happens when you're getting married in three weeks. elope. no, seriously. elope.
22 or 3
i can't remember how many days are left. ok, it's starting to feel real. kind of. yesterday keiri came down, which i really really appreciate because i have a hard time with girls who are my friends, and depending on them. i just don't like to be let down. i haven't felt like anyone is really excited about me getting married but i've been pushing it away because that really doesn't matter. so, keiri dyed my hair for me, and we bonded. we were running really late and my first bridal shower ever started at 7...i kept thinking to myself, "it doesnt really matter if i'm late" but then i remembered that the shower was for me, so i needed to be there on time. the whole night was kind of a daze. i opened presents for an hour. it was ridiculous! we got so much stuff. by the end of the night i kind of got used to being the one all of the fuss was for. im just hoping that on saturday when i have another shower, i'll be more comfortable. i'm glad i only have to do this once. and it's not as fun as i thought it was going to be. it kind of just feels...like a weird dream.
office space
that's what i have. a little bit of space that's mine. its not an office, and it's not a cubicle, but just a few old desks pushed together with a view of a parking lot.
i didnt know when i started this job that i would be in charge of the entire office. i am in charge of creating the files that hold the reports that i type, i am the only one who does all of these things. what's crazy is that they expect me to know their procedures and how to do everything and how to catch every little thing in every report that THEY do wrong, make 4 extra copies, mail things, answer the phones, create the files. whatever, i can do all of these things, no problem. until my "review" this morning. i "met" the requirements for most areas of the review sheet (which was supposed to be filled out in may, as i was supposed to be reviewed in may, when the reviews were due) but there i am sitting in the little room, being told that i'm doing pretty good. until we got to communication. i guess i'm not the "type" to come into the office and walk around and say hi to all six people who work in here. (mind you, i get here every day at nine and leave every day at one). this really irks me. i have to practice coming in and walking around and telling everyone that i'm here, because they dont notice when i walk in the door and turn on the computer and answer the phones. i felt like i was being told to wear more flare. what an insignificant thing to focus on. flare flare flare. they're so busy they don't notice me. i just figure, i leave and come at the same time every day, they know they dont have to answer the phones when i'm here because i always answer on the first ring, and all they have to do is look up and see me. what a joke.
i didnt know when i started this job that i would be in charge of the entire office. i am in charge of creating the files that hold the reports that i type, i am the only one who does all of these things. what's crazy is that they expect me to know their procedures and how to do everything and how to catch every little thing in every report that THEY do wrong, make 4 extra copies, mail things, answer the phones, create the files. whatever, i can do all of these things, no problem. until my "review" this morning. i "met" the requirements for most areas of the review sheet (which was supposed to be filled out in may, as i was supposed to be reviewed in may, when the reviews were due) but there i am sitting in the little room, being told that i'm doing pretty good. until we got to communication. i guess i'm not the "type" to come into the office and walk around and say hi to all six people who work in here. (mind you, i get here every day at nine and leave every day at one). this really irks me. i have to practice coming in and walking around and telling everyone that i'm here, because they dont notice when i walk in the door and turn on the computer and answer the phones. i felt like i was being told to wear more flare. what an insignificant thing to focus on. flare flare flare. they're so busy they don't notice me. i just figure, i leave and come at the same time every day, they know they dont have to answer the phones when i'm here because i always answer on the first ring, and all they have to do is look up and see me. what a joke.
ridiculoso
less than a month, i'll be a fenn. i'll be making my home for myself, which is definitely a new adventure. what's ridiculous is that sometimes it feels sooo close, so incredibly close that i suddenly remember all of the things that i still have to do and wonder, how will we survive? i just keep telling myself that people do it all the time. make it on their own, that is.
sometimes, especially at night, that day seems weeks away (which it is, of course) and i make that baby drive over and tuck me in and in my mind i kind of pretend that after i make him get me a cup of ice water and read me 2 nephi, he will climb in next to me.
sometimes, especially at night, that day seems weeks away (which it is, of course) and i make that baby drive over and tuck me in and in my mind i kind of pretend that after i make him get me a cup of ice water and read me 2 nephi, he will climb in next to me.
46
for the first time, i actually feel like the wedding is getting close. i've been counting down but it still seemed forever away. 46 more days and i'll be married...i've known it would happen for so long but its just beginning to be real. i am excited beyond belief. and the only thing i'm nervous about is going to the temple, but that's because it's uncharted territory for me. i'm not nervous about being married or getting married or interesting new things i'll have to wear. i'm not nervous about the honeymoon, living away from home, or being on my own for the first time in my life. i just want it to be here. this summer is holding many changes for me that i wonder...i wonder if i'll be the same at the end of the summer as i am now.
Oregon
16 hours in a car with five other people is craaaazy. but the drive was well worth it. 
The portland temple is pretty much in the forest. Also, a poor young uncle was left to care for his 2 year old niece Lucy who obviously did not like boys very much. She did, however, take a liking to me.
She climbed up the bench and into my arms she stayed until she fell asleep.
The portland temple is pretty much in the forest. Also, a poor young uncle was left to care for his 2 year old niece Lucy who obviously did not like boys very much. She did, however, take a liking to me.She climbed up the bench and into my arms she stayed until she fell asleep.
only in dreams
so i had this crazy dream last night about my neighbors who moved to pennsylvania a few years ago. i used to babysit for their two kids almost weekly and i loved it. angie was the sweetest lady, and we always had heart to hearts. her husband travelled a lot, so when she went out or had things to do she'd call me over to watch cameron and ellie. they were funny too, always calling me silly english names that they learned from their dad (angie met mark in england when she was abroad for school).
in my dream, however, i was putting ellie to bed and for some reason i changed into a nightgown. mark came home and we started talking and all of the sudden he was conan o brien but still mark...and he was telling me about the book of mormon and how he believed it was true. angie came home too and she was saying the same thing. it was really really weird.
in my dream, however, i was putting ellie to bed and for some reason i changed into a nightgown. mark came home and we started talking and all of the sudden he was conan o brien but still mark...and he was telling me about the book of mormon and how he believed it was true. angie came home too and she was saying the same thing. it was really really weird.
time
last week went quickly and all of the sudden it was friday. i wasn't feeling very well at work and i planned to just go home and get into bed, but david was done with work so i surprised him by meeting him at the apartment. we went to yorba linda to take the pump in to get fixed, had some late lunch, picked the pump back up and headed home in traffic. i had my dress fitting at 7 but we decided to head to la verne earlier to get it done. david and remy came, but david waited down stairs. my dress is in 4 pieces now...the torso to knee section, the knee to floor section, the shirtish section and the sleeves section. i had to put each piece on inside out and have andrea pin in places that needed to be let out or in. it looks so beautiful already. she's also working on my bridesmaid's dresses which are in lots and lots of pieces, but it seems like they'll be just what i want them to.
david and i have given ourselves over six months to plan the wedding but every day i want more time. it looks like we might even have to move it back a month to september to allow time for the reception place (our friend's backyard) to be finished. i visted there on saturday and its a huge hill of dirt. only the top layer has to be finished for our reception but a lot of things have to be done before it can be completed. everyone is stressing out. the biggest problem with moving the wedding is if we would be able to move our photographer and caterer to the same date a month later. i've been getting headaches every day.
this weekend we're driving up to oregon for my cousin carlie's wedding. i'm so proud of her...her and daniel are getting married in the temple. none of their parents will be attending the ceremony. i cannot imagine myself being so strong. i'm so excited to see her, i haven't in a few years. she's so great!
david and i have given ourselves over six months to plan the wedding but every day i want more time. it looks like we might even have to move it back a month to september to allow time for the reception place (our friend's backyard) to be finished. i visted there on saturday and its a huge hill of dirt. only the top layer has to be finished for our reception but a lot of things have to be done before it can be completed. everyone is stressing out. the biggest problem with moving the wedding is if we would be able to move our photographer and caterer to the same date a month later. i've been getting headaches every day.
this weekend we're driving up to oregon for my cousin carlie's wedding. i'm so proud of her...her and daniel are getting married in the temple. none of their parents will be attending the ceremony. i cannot imagine myself being so strong. i'm so excited to see her, i haven't in a few years. she's so great!
seventy something
Today I feel more ready for the temple than I ever have before. Sometimes I get worried that I'm too young and marriage has been kind of what's just going to happen to us. But today, I feel good. I have my dress fitting on Friday. I'm not sure how put together it is (it's being made from scratch) but just to even see it slightly formed will be amazing. It is my dream dress. I couldn't have imagined anything better. I can't wait.
tension headache
stressed, i am. for many, many reasons.
i have a ridiculously long torso.
but that's not why i'm stressed.
i have a ridiculously long torso.
but that's not why i'm stressed.
my brilliant idea
so i've decided to change something. instead of writing in this little journal to no one specific, i've decided to turn it into a letter kind of thing. so i'm going to write to blake...
dear blake,
i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.
dear blake,
i'm listening to cake. on my ipod. nano. i'm so excited that i can listen to music at work, maybe it will make time go faster. tuesday night david, ashley and i went to see ryan at the improv. he was only on for five minutes and we were late so we only heard the last 30 seconds. it was kind of dissapointing but it was really cool to be there, and hear everyone laughing so hard at him. since you've been gone david and i don't go out and do very much. everyone's super busy and you were the glue that held everyone together.
this weekend david and i are driving out to arizona (no, not benson. remember the time you went out there for your cousin's weddings and you flew home early because you didn't want to stay? i don't even have to have been to benson to know how lame it must be) to take care of mattie and bella for brian and jamie. they're going to lake powell...ahhh, a vacation.
lovely day
in an attempt to lose the chub, i'm eating subway for lunch. because its yum and better for me than del taco.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.
garrett's home, and im just waiting for his call. i miss him, i do.
and i have a new friend, jaqui. she's lovely. we're modern pen pals.
earth below us
Garrett comes home today. i cannot wait to hear his voice. two years is a long time. i honestly hope that he lives here instead of utah.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner...it's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.
i had a crazy dream last night and it was so vivid it freaked me out.
no work yesterday meant being woken by his voice and pancake house. i made chicken noodle soup from scratch for dinner...it's what i was born to do. and other things, since i have baby-birthing hips. bring it on.
BLAKE
Sunday was mother's day and i didnt spend any of it with my own mother. we had planned to go up the hill to spend it at dave and carolyn's because blake was calling going to call after church. when david called me and told me that i would get to speak to blake my little heart skipped a beat. i've never missed a missionary as much as i do him, he's my best friend. there's no one like blake. when he was on speakerphone and we started to talk to him, dustin said something. when i started talking to him he went "natalie?!" the phone then got passed around and when it was my turn, my heart was beating hard and i got all hot. he said he was so excited that i was going to "join the club" and i said "the fenn club?" and we laughed. i told him i was sorry that we couldn't wait until he got home to get married and he said to do what we needed to, that things would be great when he got home. then he told me to keep reading my scriptures and saying my prayers and pretty much bore his testimony to me (i never get sick of hearing testimonies, especially boy's testimonies and especially his). he's such a little sweetheart.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
i love fenn.
when it was time for him to go he read some things his mother had said to him in emails that helped him get through the hard times. i loved it. i love it the most when he says "the church is true!" and i thought "because, you know what? it is." simple as that.
i love fenn.
the weak pear
i love ice cream. do you think that's why i'm a walking pear?
plan:
lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.
how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.
results:
slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.
plan:
lose major sides before july...before dress fitting.
how i will take action:
join the gym, take non-stop yoga classes, especially since school will be over with.
results:
slimmer, less chub-ful belly, thighs and behind, as well as having more energy and more flexibility. sting/gwyneth swear by it. so be it.
sylvia knows what's up.
so ridiculously, terribly, endlessly bored at work. was reading through old blogs and found my beloved sylvia quotes that i had posted forever ago.
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)
"...I am part man and I notice women's breasts and thighs with the calculation of a man choosing a mistress...but that is the artist and the analytical attitude toward the female body...for I am more a woman; even as I long for full breasts and a beautiful body, so do I abhor the sensuousness which they bring..."
true. i notice EVERYTHING about everyone. especially girls. i notice every roll, every nose, every panty line, unpolished toenail, and split-ended ponytail. i especially notice every tooth. why? because i've seen every inch of my body, mouth and foot and noticing other girls is the only way to know if i'm normal.
plus half of the time i say i'm good enough and the other half of the time i'm mentally planning my dessertless dinner to trim off that pear shaped hippage. i desire the body i once had, yet hate the way my shirts go gilligan on me because they have to be pulled over those beasts. (YES, BEASTS NOT BREASTS.)
itchy
i have friends but they're not like they used to be, you know? like their old selves. they're doing their own thing. i kind of hate it.
but david is all i need so i'm good.
within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?
but david is all i need so i'm good.
within the last hour i've gotten this itch to do something (in the close future) that i thought would be years away. it's exciting but kind of irrational but not because we're advised to just do it. can we afford it? will it be too soon? what about our time?
snack
i'm so tired i feel like dropping my business law class. we've missed the last two weeks and a test, which we'll have to make up tonight. i'm scared.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.
david and i took our engagement pictures at the botanical gardens at UCR. it was a bit of a stressful day. i got to ditch my second job, eat rosie's, and chill at starbucks playing bejeweled and beating both mine and david's high scores. i was a little worried about having our own personal photo shoot, especially since i hate having my picture taken, but i trusted amelia and her husband. they did an amazing job! we almost didnt make it into the gardens, it closes at 5 and we got there at 4:52. then the guy said we couldnt go in because he wanted us out...retarded. you can still leave through the rotating gate. so anyway, we haggled him saying we would just take 8 minutes and haha! an hour and a half later we left. take that.
the next day amelia sent david a link to a slideshow that her and her husband made of some of their faves that they took the day before. it was amazing! they even set it to arcade fire. i love the pictures. the best part is that none of them are posed, we were mostly just fooling around and laughing. i am so happy with our choice of photographer. she's even more than i had hoped for.
well the day before we took thos pics we found the place by going there with greg and kari. it was perfect.
ideally
the other day i was looking up something, i forget now what it was, but somehow i came across a website about old disneyland. i'm talking about the disneyland that was brand-new, that my dad went to when he was a child (probably only one time since they were incredibly, shoeless-in-the-summer poor), that held a few rides and a book of tickets that got you on to each ride like a carnival. on this website i fingered through photos of this heartwarming place that held dress-wearing mom's and daughters and collared-shirt wearing father's and sons. it made me jealous for that time! it seemed magical, it brough back feelings of how i pictured disneyland when i was younger. it felt good.
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.
weird...
i then came upon a facts page all about interesting things about disneyland. it showed an aerial shot of the rare acreage where orange trees once stood in the what was mostly grove-ish anaheim. its kind of weird to think about.
i learned that a merry-go-round has both horses and bench seats, as well as other assorted animals, while a carosel (like the one in whatever-land which was bought from a carnival in vancouver or toronto or something) has only horses. people have been riding that beast for 50 years.
weird...
oatmeal
decided to bring oatmeal for breakfast to work, ended up being incredibly gummy and sticky. i ate it anyway. (i'm becoming overly pear shaped).
this morning i was told that i was "so cute for saving myself for marriage." anyone else think this is strange?
this weekend we will arrange our apartment, the one we will live in. it's the one that will hold our new dishes, dining chairs and old worn couch. it makes my heart happy.
this morning i was told that i was "so cute for saving myself for marriage." anyone else think this is strange?
this weekend we will arrange our apartment, the one we will live in. it's the one that will hold our new dishes, dining chairs and old worn couch. it makes my heart happy.
lucas
yesterday i was headache free for most of the day, and it was rare and lovely. tonight i am forking out what feels like millions to have my hair dyed by an actual person in an actual salon. its weird.
soon my love will be closer to me than ever and dinner we will make and movies we will watch in the little tiny apartment that we will call ours soon enough. you make life worthwhile.
so does this little button.
he looks like a little old man, as most babies do.
soon my love will be closer to me than ever and dinner we will make and movies we will watch in the little tiny apartment that we will call ours soon enough. you make life worthwhile.
so does this little button.
he looks like a little old man, as most babies do.
i'm pretty ticked about being at work right now for a few reasons.
1) i called in and said i had a migraine and they still expected me to come in.
2) i was expected to come in to make copies and file. these are things that are not pending or important AT ALL. they can be done whenever and usually are.
3) i have never been denied a let off from work.
so here i sit, feeling like complete crap making copies of a 2 foot high stack of [unimportant] statements.
tonight i will be alone because david's car isn't fixed yet. i'm really really upset...argh.
1) i called in and said i had a migraine and they still expected me to come in.
2) i was expected to come in to make copies and file. these are things that are not pending or important AT ALL. they can be done whenever and usually are.
3) i have never been denied a let off from work.
so here i sit, feeling like complete crap making copies of a 2 foot high stack of [unimportant] statements.
tonight i will be alone because david's car isn't fixed yet. i'm really really upset...argh.
wouldn't it be nice
ok kari, i believe you. i won't stop listening to jenny lewis.
this weekend i spent the most money i ever have in my life. we bought little green dining chairs for the day when we have an apartment. it was definitely my favorite purchase, ever.
the beach boys entertained our ears on the way to greg's. it was nice.
this weekend i spent the most money i ever have in my life. we bought little green dining chairs for the day when we have an apartment. it was definitely my favorite purchase, ever.
the beach boys entertained our ears on the way to greg's. it was nice.
it's bound to melt your heart
a few weeks ago sylvia was on tv and i was excited because i never got to see that movie since it was rated R. but it made me kind of upset because even though i knew she was a little crazy (she killed herself by putting her head in the oven) i never pictured her so ridiculously insane. the movie showed her obsessing over her husband and his every act (which was sort of understandable since he was cheating on her with their friend all the time) but she would freak out and rip up stuff and scream and i didn't like it. anyway, what i'm trying to say is my idea of her is kind of crushed because when i read her words i feel like i could be writing them myself but after seeing that movie it's a little harder to relate.
in the past month two of my girlfriends have gotten married and the weirdest thing, i'm discovering, is talking about sex with them. i'm pretty comfortable talking about it because i think it's interesting and i understand that it's private but some stuff you just have to want to talk about, i think. since i haven't experienced it for myself i have a lot of questions but i'm not ever going to ask them...like, how often does it happen? all i have to say is that i wont be shy about talking about it to my friends if they have questions like i do...there's some things you've just got to know.
in the past month two of my girlfriends have gotten married and the weirdest thing, i'm discovering, is talking about sex with them. i'm pretty comfortable talking about it because i think it's interesting and i understand that it's private but some stuff you just have to want to talk about, i think. since i haven't experienced it for myself i have a lot of questions but i'm not ever going to ask them...like, how often does it happen? all i have to say is that i wont be shy about talking about it to my friends if they have questions like i do...there's some things you've just got to know.
it's all of the good that won't come out of me
it's freezing in here and the constant change of hot car/cold office produces that ever-ready headache. my right hand is stiff from resting on the mouse. something inside of me has been holding back the words but as you can see i let loose a few weeks ago with that little tale of two loves when they've become one. it's just that even though it will happen it sometimes feels like it really won't.
one whole year
one year ago today, well really earlier this morning, you decided to kiss me. now, i truly wasn't expecting it because i thought you would take things slow. but nope, you went in for that kiss and you got it...and i laughed. it was a nervous laugh not a funny laugh. one year later, i still laugh when you kiss me.
one-fifty-one more days and i'll be in that white dress.
one-fifty-one more days and i'll be in that white dress.
captain moroni!
you know what i love? friends. like keith and amanda. they make me laugh a lot. i kept trying to squirt water on keiths crotchal area from my waterbottle during the fireworks and he never even noticed. it was hilarious.
i'm tired. i'm not used to working..this much. but its not even a lot. it's weird.
i can't wait until i have a house and me and davey live in it, and make dinner with our new pots and pans (and wok), and we dance around in our underwear because we can, take baths, sleep in on saturdays, read out loud together, and you'll paint and i'll write and my hair will be long so you can brush it if you want. we'll have a closet together with our shoes lined up, your big ones next to my baby ones and our bedroom will smell like fresh laundry and fresh flowers, the sun will stream through in the morning and somehow again at night. our books will be stacked and stacked, each containing pressed flowers we've gathered from our after-sunday-dinner walks. flannel sheets will line our bed in the winter and a high-thread-count cotton for the summer, in white and yellows, down feathers will sneak into our hair through the night, your bed head will hold as the sun rises. we'll celebrate our anniversaries by slip n sliding, playing in the hose, and cleaning out the cupboard. its just what we do. if you're away i'll sleep in your tshirts and pajama bottoms, but you won't be away, will you? you wont because you think with your heart. i love you like the day is long.
i'm tired. i'm not used to working..this much. but its not even a lot. it's weird.
i can't wait until i have a house and me and davey live in it, and make dinner with our new pots and pans (and wok), and we dance around in our underwear because we can, take baths, sleep in on saturdays, read out loud together, and you'll paint and i'll write and my hair will be long so you can brush it if you want. we'll have a closet together with our shoes lined up, your big ones next to my baby ones and our bedroom will smell like fresh laundry and fresh flowers, the sun will stream through in the morning and somehow again at night. our books will be stacked and stacked, each containing pressed flowers we've gathered from our after-sunday-dinner walks. flannel sheets will line our bed in the winter and a high-thread-count cotton for the summer, in white and yellows, down feathers will sneak into our hair through the night, your bed head will hold as the sun rises. we'll celebrate our anniversaries by slip n sliding, playing in the hose, and cleaning out the cupboard. its just what we do. if you're away i'll sleep in your tshirts and pajama bottoms, but you won't be away, will you? you wont because you think with your heart. i love you like the day is long.
i can't believe I cried
this weekend felt everlong. friday keiri came after i had slept through harry potter and we went over the wedding plans. she followed me home in the pouring rain where at points i could see nothing. saturday was lazy and yumm and included meeting up with fenns for dinner. it hailed like crazy on the way to evan and jesica's reception in riverside. when they danced i cried...they have just gotten everything that i want. only five more months. sunday was so so so long. we drove up to go to the mountains since amanda came down, but they wouldn't let us up without chains so we waited for davey's family to take us up on the way from picking manda up at the airport. it took forever to get up because people who looked like they've never seen snow before just parked all along the highway up and played in the snow. we finally got there and it began snowing which it didnt stop the whole rest of the day/night. we drove to dresdens to take a paper which we forgot, drove someway back, met his parents, and continued. we slid and saw cars abandoned because of the amount of snow. me and amanda bonded, i'm glad for her or else i'd have no normal relationship with any girl fenns. we watched wallace and grommit at dresdens and drove home. david forgot the key to our car there, and we had to turn around and pick it up and come all the way back. thats about 40 minutes each way...
ipizzle
i get an ipod nano for nothing! isn't that cool? davey won it at work and since he has his own little baby, he's giving it to me. not that i really want it, or anything. today i'm at work early...probably for the last time. i got a new job at some geology research place in the mornings and afternoons on school days. plus with the afternoons where i dont work at the new job i'll still be working here. i'm going to be more busy than i ever have been in my life.
in about two hours i'm going to lunch with my mom and nana, probably with a bunch of other old ladies too. at least i get to miss about 3 hours for lunch. tonight we're watching mattie and bella while brian moves jamie to arizona. its so weird to me that they're going to live apart for nearly three months. i know i could never do that, even seeing eachother on weekends wouldnt be enough. i'd like to think that you'd feel the same way but for some reason i dont think you do. i thought you made decisions with your heart, not your head. that's my department.
in about two hours i'm going to lunch with my mom and nana, probably with a bunch of other old ladies too. at least i get to miss about 3 hours for lunch. tonight we're watching mattie and bella while brian moves jamie to arizona. its so weird to me that they're going to live apart for nearly three months. i know i could never do that, even seeing eachother on weekends wouldnt be enough. i'd like to think that you'd feel the same way but for some reason i dont think you do. i thought you made decisions with your heart, not your head. that's my department.
sister golden hair
my hair is finally starting to get long. now i just have to resist bringing scissors to it.
things are coming together.
things are coming together.
birthday weekend
saturday was lazy and wonderful. we took penny to the apartment and ate jalepenos for lunch and the hat for dinner. then we had a party, and it was lovely to have everyone together. old friends came and mingled with newer ones. we ate trifle and cake and snacks and watched walk the line and didnt get home til 1:30.
friday we got to spend time with new lovers...they made me miss the beginning where every thing gives you butterflies and you are more than willing to drive hours to see the other person. i miss that. those two are good for eachother, i can tell.
friday we got to spend time with new lovers...they made me miss the beginning where every thing gives you butterflies and you are more than willing to drive hours to see the other person. i miss that. those two are good for eachother, i can tell.
double date
i really like things...like...
wearing the same jeans every day.
giving up on face makeup.
this ring on my finger.
making dinner.
sleeping in.
saturdays.
job offers, exactly when i need them.
feeling satisfied.
knowing that i can now shop for lingerie, and that it will be worn by me, this year.
so, i haven't planned one official thing for the wedding yet. isn't that scary? it is for a mormon girl.
wearing the same jeans every day.
giving up on face makeup.
this ring on my finger.
making dinner.
sleeping in.
saturdays.
job offers, exactly when i need them.
feeling satisfied.
knowing that i can now shop for lingerie, and that it will be worn by me, this year.
so, i haven't planned one official thing for the wedding yet. isn't that scary? it is for a mormon girl.
i'm back
i felt like me again last night!
firstly, i drove in scary rain to david's. but he wasn't home yet. so i rang keith three times, but he never answered. i hoped that he had left the door unlocked as i walked down the newly carpeted halways on the third floor, and it was. i walked into a dark, and what seemed to be empty, apartment. keith was asleep on the couch. then i cleaned and vacuumed and keith did the dishes. david came home and we made dinner. then we watched flava flav and danny deckchair. then we had a dance party (during which i decided that we will be taking dance lessons before our wedding), and keith rocked out to baba o' riley and the phantom. i skinned my elbow on the stripper couch. now theres a scrape and a bruise.
firstly, i drove in scary rain to david's. but he wasn't home yet. so i rang keith three times, but he never answered. i hoped that he had left the door unlocked as i walked down the newly carpeted halways on the third floor, and it was. i walked into a dark, and what seemed to be empty, apartment. keith was asleep on the couch. then i cleaned and vacuumed and keith did the dishes. david came home and we made dinner. then we watched flava flav and danny deckchair. then we had a dance party (during which i decided that we will be taking dance lessons before our wedding), and keith rocked out to baba o' riley and the phantom. i skinned my elbow on the stripper couch. now theres a scrape and a bruise.
we don't need a wok
seriously though, the trailer for marie antoinette gives me chills it's so good. something about mixing old and new just really does it for me.
so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.
kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.
so i'm desperately sick...even a bath didn't make me feel normal. tylenol sinus and nyquil are my only friends right now. and davey for taking me for soup last night. after some weird fizzy drink that mom gave me had time to set in i felt good enough to run through target and zap anything i fancied. now if i can only receive all of those things.
kitty decided to give birth this morning...but only to one teeny snow white kitten. since there's only one, maybe we can keep it.
won't you please let me go
our parents met yesterday... what a silly, silly thing.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.
but davey and i were in the snow for the first time and it was lovely. the trees sparkled and the white blanketed ground glistened and crunched under my vans. the ice cold air was welcomed by my aching, scratchy throat.
the day was completed by the selection of the things we'll need to survive...prairie plate sets, flannel sheets, and toothbrush holders. oh, i can't wait to share these things with you.
arizona/bridal shower
i am jealous for the day when women will say to me as i open a white, ribboned, flowered mass of gifts, "And you can make Tuna salad with that one" or "that pan goes with the bundt recipe i gave you" but most of all, "and it's see-through, too!" i feel like that time is so far away, but its really not.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.
i am also tired of:
waking up alone
going to bed alone
doing my laundry without any white underwear mixed into it
having mom make dinner for me
driving away at night
living in california...
i love love love california, love almost everything about it. but on this past trip to arizona...mesa/phoenix area to be exact, it felt so fresh. sure, it was february so it wasn't yet blazingly, disgustingly hot, but something about it felt right. maybe it was the "one bedroom apartments starting at $450" sign. maybe it was jeff's flat neighborhood where the four of us rode our bikes and picked out which houses we liked the best. maybe it was the oversized cacti placed in some adventurers front yard. maybe it was knowing that you CAN find a house without rocks for grass. but most of all, it might have been the fact that david and i could start a family in an actual house. that, my friends, is my ULTIMATE dream.
i want a husband
then i want a house
then i want babies
then life will be complete.
shama lama ding dong
the assistant manager at my work is blasting grease from his office, so loudly in fact, that i cannot hear my own thoughts. i came in to work early to finish all the things that need to be done for the meeting tomorrow to find children running, drooling, eating.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.
i'm glad i'm back in school because not only do i have a half hour to read in between classes, but somehow school gets my mind a-working...maybe i'll write again.
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love, actually?
love, naturally.
bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.
john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.
love, naturally.
bed peace, hair peace, peace peace peace.
john and yoko, my honeymoon will be spent in bed, too.
179 days
i think i'm gonna get married. it's not that i want to be married or have a wedding. i just want what comes after that...you know....
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.
what i mean is the fun and companionship. just the start of the best thing ever. it's going to be so fun i can't even think about it.
maybe baby
love love love waking up to slobbering, super-chubby children on my bed. spent the morning entertaining baby luke. after not having held a baby in so long it felt surprisingly natural to feed and cart him around the house. i guess i was just born to bear. blah.
bend me, shake me
things are looking up. all i'm looking forward to is when i dont have to drive 25-45 minutes to spend time with david. just a few short months and he'll be living so close.
the newlywed game
it is so stressful being home, it's tense and tough and long. i look forward to school starting so i can be busy and keep my mind of off the confusion. a 35 cent raise on my paycheck doesn't help too much either. the uncertainty of where i will be this year job-wise, love-wise, and house-wise is always on my mind. the simple struggle to get through each day, without getting through to anyone, is enough to make me never want to have children, or only girls, at least. yes, a housefull of girls sounds good to me. i have enough names ready for them anyway. so i'll adopt a grace, an ella, an emma, and maybe even an apple.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.
by the way, david and i slayed jeff and hilary at the newlywed game...except for the question regarding where the boys' would send our mothers on vacation and for how long. david forgot that mine has been wanting to go to hawaii again, while hilary obviously knew that jeff wanted to send her mother to hell and for forever.
alone, together
weekend was spent alone shopping together. quite enjoyable. i realized today that i do miss time by myself. i miss coming home from work and struggling over math problems, cleaning/destroying my bedroom, writing and pasting in my journal. tonight i'm going to get that and i'm looking forward to it, but i'm not too sure that i remember how to be alone by myself. realized something else as well, while restarting pride and prejudice i saw how simple jane austen's word choice is compared to the many sequels that have come about in the last decade. its easier to read the original than to read the more latter continuing stories that are over a hundred years apart. i think i talk too much.
the new year
i feel content and peaceful about life and i haven't for a while. it's a nice change. i'm trying to figure out what to do about school, still, though.
i saw pride and prejudice this weekend...it was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.
i saw pride and prejudice this weekend...it was so amazing. i didnt think it would be very good because it had already been done very well. but i became in love with mr. bingley...they made him red haired, which was unusual. he was quite goodlooking, and so was jane. i mean, she was supposed to be anyway. i didnt really like mr. darcy. i didnt think he was very handsome at all, and i felt like so much was left out about him and his character. but his quote at the end, "you have bewitched me, body and soul," now that is a proposal.
the stars at night are big and bright
deep in the heart of texas!
i love christmas and i loveD christmas. i got mucho de cosas:
*a bike
*gift card for glen ivy
*basket and bell for my bike
*gift card for nordstrom
*beatles book
*domino set from morocco
and a ton of other things too. my parents went crazy.
davey spent chrismas eve with us and spent the night. on sunday we went to church in the new building. then we opened presents and me and david headed up the mountain. it was a ton of fun, because everyone was there. i love fenn. i miss blake and i especially missed him when we went through pictures from hawaii. his little curly head. decisions were made this long weekend that i am quite happy with. yeah, life is good.
i love christmas and i loveD christmas. i got mucho de cosas:
*a bike
*gift card for glen ivy
*basket and bell for my bike
*gift card for nordstrom
*beatles book
*domino set from morocco
and a ton of other things too. my parents went crazy.
davey spent chrismas eve with us and spent the night. on sunday we went to church in the new building. then we opened presents and me and david headed up the mountain. it was a ton of fun, because everyone was there. i love fenn. i miss blake and i especially missed him when we went through pictures from hawaii. his little curly head. decisions were made this long weekend that i am quite happy with. yeah, life is good.
Pot of gold.
My sweet, my dear, my darling, you're so far away from me.
Though an ocean of tears divides us,
Let the bridge of our love span the sea.
And when the veil of dreams has lifted,
And the fairy tales have all been told,
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow;
More precious than a pot of gold.
three days til christmas...our first one together.
Though an ocean of tears divides us,
Let the bridge of our love span the sea.
And when the veil of dreams has lifted,
And the fairy tales have all been told,
There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow;
More precious than a pot of gold.
three days til christmas...our first one together.
SP speaks from my soul, bones, heart
Please, let me be casual and gay and right with him now. I am YOUNG, naive, childish, sixteen emotionally. My reactions are too obvious, too excitable easily. I will be lovely, vivacious, witty, the very best me that I always want to be with you.
[I] want a brilliant mind that I can stimulate, but that I can also honestly look up to. And this one has it. Mentally he satisfies; physically he satisfies. It is rather blissful to share witty talk with a man who is also three-dimensionally satisfactory as this one is. power: he offers that. I am strong, in spite of being childish and weak now and then. I need a strong mate: I do not want to accidentally crush him like a steamroller (as I would have others, certainly). And while comradely, I must admire him: respect and admiration must equate with the object of my love. And with him there would be a great, evolving, intellectual dignity to life. I am sure of it. I can walk tall and proud beside him in my body and in my mind. How will it work out? I don't know.
[I] want a brilliant mind that I can stimulate, but that I can also honestly look up to. And this one has it. Mentally he satisfies; physically he satisfies. It is rather blissful to share witty talk with a man who is also three-dimensionally satisfactory as this one is. power: he offers that. I am strong, in spite of being childish and weak now and then. I need a strong mate: I do not want to accidentally crush him like a steamroller (as I would have others, certainly). And while comradely, I must admire him: respect and admiration must equate with the object of my love. And with him there would be a great, evolving, intellectual dignity to life. I am sure of it. I can walk tall and proud beside him in my body and in my mind. How will it work out? I don't know.
the real notebook
so, what's so great about this picture? oh, maybe it's the fact that the greatest romance ever portrayed on screen is probably real...it seems like love is better than ever.
i regret to inform you
i'll be the platform shoes
undo what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes
no, the ring on my RIGHT finger is not an engagement ring.
so, i figured out what's wrong with me...i can't be alone. i am NEVER alone. i always have plans, and things to fulfill time in between the plans. but when plans are changed, my mind jerks and i freak because there's now this space of five hours with nothing to fill it. that's when my emotions go crazy and i say things i don't mean, and nyquil somehow finds it's way into my belly.
i can't go from always having something to do with you to times where there is useless blanks so easily. i've been honed into how i am for the past 9 months...it takes more than 1 to get back to how i was.
undo what heredity's done to you
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes
no, the ring on my RIGHT finger is not an engagement ring.
so, i figured out what's wrong with me...i can't be alone. i am NEVER alone. i always have plans, and things to fulfill time in between the plans. but when plans are changed, my mind jerks and i freak because there's now this space of five hours with nothing to fill it. that's when my emotions go crazy and i say things i don't mean, and nyquil somehow finds it's way into my belly.
i can't go from always having something to do with you to times where there is useless blanks so easily. i've been honed into how i am for the past 9 months...it takes more than 1 to get back to how i was.
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